So a little kid and a child molester start walking into a forest. They keep walking for what seems like hours, and it gets darker and darker and darker, and the forest gets deeper and deeper and deeper. The kid turns to the child molester and he says "Gee mister, it sure is scary out here!" The child molester says "How do you think I feel, kid? I'm gonna have to walk out of this forest by myself!"
I'm thinking about opening a summer camp for jewish kids with adhd and dyslexia, I'm gonna call it Concentration camp.
Q: Why did the cannibal tax auditor get disciplined? A: For buttering up her clients.
Use to be we had Bob Hope, Johnny Cash, and Steven Jobs. Now we have no hope, no cash, and no jobs. Please do not die Kevin Bacon.
A ship with 30 sailors and one woman strands on a desert island. After one month the woman says: "I can not proceed in this way." And she suicides herself. After another month, the sailors say: "We can not proceed in this way." And they bury the woman. The next month, the sailors say: "We can not proceed in this way." And they dig up the woman.
Lifting weights have really helped me with the ladies - the last five I raped didn't stand a chance.
Why didn't the cannibal eat Mike Tyson? He thought he would give him a paunch!
What's worse than finding a dead baby on your pillow in the morning? Realizing you were drunk and made love to it the night before.
Why did Beyonce sing 'to the left', 'to the left'? Because black people have no rights...
The worst place to have a heart attack is during a gama of cherades. ...Especially if the people you are playing with, are really bad guessers.
*Wakes up to wife and son screaming* Me: "What are you guys yelling about?" Them: "You're driving!"