Don't break anybody's heart - they have only one.
Break their bones - they have 206.
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My previous girlfriend had this weird sleeping disorder - in the middle of every night she would wake up and suck my dick.
No wonder her dad did not want her to move out.
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A blonde hops on and off a curb on a busy street, saying 54 over and over.
A brunette walks by and asks what the blonde is doing.
The blonde replies that she is jumping on and off the curb saying 54 over and over.
The brunette joins her.
Soon, the brunette gets hit by a passing car.
The blonde watches as the car drives away.
The blond then continues to jump on and off the curb, saying 55 over and over.
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My grandfather can no longer do the things he loved to do as a teenager.
Flying planes, bombing Germans...
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Dad always thought laughter was the best medicine.
I guess that was why several of us died of tuberculosis.
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How do you blindfold an Asian?
With dental floss!
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This could be considered the ideal world for many men:
His son on the cover of a box of Wheaties.
His mistress in the centerfold of Playboy.
A picture of his wife on the milk carton.
Q: How many dead babies does it take to shingle a roof?
A: Depends on how thin you slice them.
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What's got four wheels, smokes and squeals?
A bus load of babies on fire.
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What do you call a van with 5 faggots in it?
The AIDS team.
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Me: "Here comes the airplane!"
Baby: Opens mouth.
Me: "OH NO! It's the Taliban!" Hits baby in the forehead with the spoon. "KA-BOOM"
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