Don't break anybody's heart - they have only one.
Break their bones - they have 206.
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I'm thinking about opening a summer camp for jewish kids with adhd and dyslexia, I'm gonna call it Concentration camp.
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What happened when a cannibal went on a self-catering holiday?
He ate himself.
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Two kids were talking together.
First: "My daddy is so tall that he can touch the clouds in the sky with his hands."
Second: "That is excellent. Does your daddy touch something soft and downy?"
First: "Yes, of course."
Second: "Those are my daddy's testicles."
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Me: "Here comes the airplane!"
Baby: Opens mouth.
Me: "OH NO! It's the Taliban!" Hits baby in the forehead with the spoon. "KA-BOOM"
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Q. Which famous celebrity has had the most children over the last 10 years?
A. Michael Jackson
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So an old man, a Catholic priest, and a pedophile walk into a bar, and that's just one person!
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What is the difference between a fridge and a kid?
A fridge doesn't shout when you put your meat inside it.
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Q: What's the fastest way to a man's heart?
A: With a knife.
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A woman is speaking to her friend, ‘My husband has got one foot in the grate.’
‘Don’t you mean one foot in the “grave”?’ says the friend.
‘No,’ replies the woman.
‘He wants to be cremated.’
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Black humour is like a pair of legs.
Not everyone has it.
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