What's grosser than gross?
A bloody mary with curly, brittle hairs in it!
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I dont understand why people say sex is good in the shower.
How do you guys not get your laptop wet?
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Q: Why do farts smell?
A: So deaf people can enjoy them, too.
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Dr. Dave had sex with one of his patients and felt guilty all day long.
No matter how much he tried to forget about it he just couldn't.
The guilt was overwhelming.
But every once in a while he would hear in internal, reassuring voice in his head that said: "Dave don't worry about it. You aren't the first medical practitioner to have sex with one of his patients and you won't be the last. Just let It go Dave."
But invariably another voice in his head would bring him back to reality whispering: "Dave... Daaaave... you're a veterinarian you sick bastard!"
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This desperate guy named Jim goes to the whorehouse with 5$.
He buys a the cheapest prostitute named Sandpaper Sally.
As they start to have sex, Jim screams, "Ouch! Now I know why they call you Sandpaper Sally!"
Sally scoots out of the room.
Five minutes later she came back and Jim attempts sex once again.
"What the hell happened?" asks Jim, "This is the best sex I''ve ever had!"
Sally replies, "Oh, I just picked my scabs."
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What do you call a man with no arms and no legs in the water? Bob.
On the wall? Art.
On the floor? Matt.
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Q: What would Princess Diana be doing if she were alive today?
A: Clawing at the lid of her coffin.
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Q: Why was the condom flying through the air?
A: It got pissed off.
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Teacher asks Little Johnny to use the word 'definitely' in a sentence.
Little Johnny replies, "Teacher, do farts have lumps in them?"
The Teacher says, "Of course not Johnny,"
To which Johnny replies, "Then I have definitely shit my pants then..."
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How do you unload a truck of zombie babies?
With a pitchfork.
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Q: What does it look like when you microwave a baby?
A: I don't know, I close my eyes when I masturbate.
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