What's grosser than gross?
A bloody mary with curly, brittle hairs in it!
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At a restaurant, one of the customers notices that all of the waiters have two spoons in their vest pockets.
A waiter explains, "We see that the most frequently dropped silverware is spoons, therefore we keep them for replacement."
Then the customer notices a string hanging out of all the waiters' flies.
"The string is for us to go to the bathroom," explains the waiter.
"That way, when we pull it, it shoots and aims straight, and we don't need to use our hands."
The customer asks, "Well, that's how you get it out, but how do you get it back in?"
The waiter replies, "Well, that's another reason we carry the spoons."
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The fingers of my girlfriend were in my pants;
I asked her "Is it thick?"
She said "yes dear."
Again I asked: "Is it warm?"
She replied: "yes honey."
Then I asked: "Is it soft?"
She said, "yes of course."
"It is my shit!" I told her.
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Joke has 53.73 % from 170 votes. More jokes about: communication, dirty, disgusting, relationship, sex
A guy finds his dog with the neighbor's pet rabbit in its mouth.
The rabbit is dead and the guy panics.
He takes the dirty, chewed up rabbit into the house.
He gives it a bath, blow dries its fur, and puts it back into the cage at the neighbor's house, hoping they will think it died of natural causes.
A few days later, the neighbor asks the guy, "Did you hear that Fluffy died?"
The guy stammers and says, "Um... no... what happened?"
The neighbor replies, "We found him dead in his cage one day, but the weird thing is that the day after we buried him, someone had dug him up, gave him a bath and put him back into the cage. There are some real sick people out there!"
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A newlywed couple arrives in their sumptuous honeymoon suite, and it turns out they are both virgins.
Brought up the old traditional way, neither of them really knows how to have sex.
So after about half a painful hour of abortive attempts to get it on, an idea occurs to the husband.
"OK, honey," he says, "this is what we'll do. I'll go into the closet and you go into the bathroom. We'll both get undressed and turn off the lights in the bedroom. And then on the count of three we'll both rush out at each other and then it will just happen in the middle of the bedroom."
The wife is a bit unsure about this, but since she doesn't have any better ideas she agrees.
So, the husband goes into the closet and the wife goes into the bathroom and they both get undressed.
The anticipation is driving the husband mad and as he takes off his clothes he gets an enormous erection.
The wife turns off the lights and on the count of three they both rush into the bedroom towards each other.
But since the room is dark the husband gets disoriented and runs by his wife — right into the dresser.
He hits the dresser so hard that he passes out from the pain.
The next thing he remembers is coming to in a hosital bed, with a doctor looking down at him.
His throbbing dick is still so painful that he moans to the doctor, "Doc, doc, how bad is it?"
"That's nothing, son. Wait till you see your wife! We still haven't gotten her off the doorknob."
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"Hey Jaeger, are you enjoying that apple?"
"Sure, why do you ask."
"I was going to offer you some toast."
"How kind of... I'll accept."
"Great, but what's toast without any butter Jaeger."
"You're right about that!"
"Well give me a few seconds, let me go scrape some off of your mother's teeth!"
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What's small, and red, and full of holes?
A baby on a bed of nails.
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How can you tell if a porno was made in the 70's?
The guys' schlongs have sideburns!
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Two old ladies are at the movies.
"Psst," says one old lady. "I think the guy next to me is beating off."
"What makes you say that?"
"He's using my hand."
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There were three nurses in a morgue...
They entered a room where they had discovered that there was a dead man laying on the bed with a hard-on.
The first nurse was very forward and said, "Wow! I have never seen that before, I can't let that go to waste".
After saying this the first nurse sat and rode it.
The 2nd nurse did the same.
The third nurse explained that she couldn't as she was on her period.
After a bit of convincing she eventually rode it.
After 3 minutes the man woke up.
The Nurses said, "What the hell... You were dead a few minutes ago"
The man replied, "yeah I was... But I feel great now I have had two jump starts and a blood transfusion".
Q: What is worse than ten dead people in one trashcan?
A: One dead person in ten trashcans!
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