Joke #5919

Two older women were outside their nursing home, having a smoke, when it started to rain. One of the ladies pulled out a condom, cut off the end, put it over her cigarette, and continued smoking. First Lady:Whats that? Second Lady: A condom. This way my cigarette doesnt get wet. First Lady: Where did you get it? Second Lady : You can get them at any drugstore. The next day, Lady 1 hobbles herself into the local drugstore and announces to the pharmacist that she wants a box of condoms. The guy, obviously embarrassed, looks at her strangely (she is, after all, over 80 years old), but very delicately asks what brand she prefers. Doesn't matter son, as long as it fits a Camel.
Vote: has 81.22 % from 123 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: dirty

Similar jokes

See also best jokes rated by other visitors or new jokes.

Q: What does a blonde put behind her ears to make her more attractive? A: Her ankles.
Vote: has 75.60 % from 54 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: dirty
Q: Why shouldn't girls wear skirts in winter? A: Because their lips will get chapped!
Vote: has 40.09 % from 27 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: beauty, dirty, winter, women
Why was the BLIND blonde sitting on newspaper? So she can lip read.
Vote: has 50.97 % from 39 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: dirty
This couple were in bed getting busy when the girl places the guys hand onto her p*ssy. "Put your finger in me..." she asks him. So he does without hesitation, as she starts moaning. "Put two fingers in...", she says. So in goes another one. She's really starting to get worked up when she says,"Put your whole hand in!". The guy's like, "Ok!". So he has his entire hand in, when she says moaning aloud "Put both your hands inside of me!". So the guy puts both of his hands in! "Now clap your hands..." commands the girl. "I can't", says the guy. The girl looks at him and says "See, I told you I had a tight p*ssy!".
Vote: has 78.81 % from 125 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: dirty
John is paying a visit to his Italian neighbor in the hospital, who just had a very serious traffic accident. He doesn't look like very much: in plaster, completely wrapped in a bandage, tons of hoses and infusions. He looks like a mummy. John tries to have a conversation, but his neighbor has his eyes closed and isn't responding. Suddenly his eyes jump wide open and he starts to gurgle and during his last gasp for air he says: "Mi stai bloccando il d'tubicino ossigeno, Pezzo di merda ...." John inscribes the words in his heart. At the funeral John tells the black-clad widow that her husband had something to say. 'And, she asks with tearful eyes,"was it that he loved me? " "I do not know," said the man, "but it sounded like Mi stai bloccando il d'tubicino ossigeno, pezzo di merda ...." The widow screams and faints. "What?" John ask startled to the daughter, "what did he say, what does that mean?" And the crying daughter says: "You are standing on my oxygen hose, you git."
Vote: has 58.72 % from 53 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: dirty
A guy orders spaghetti in a restaurant. In the middle of eating he finds a hair in his food. He says to the waiter, "I'm not paying for this dirty meal," and walks out. The waiter watches the guy go into a whorehouse. The waiter waits about 10 minutes, bursts through the door and finds the guy with his face buried in p**sy. The waiter says, "You eat p**sy and complain about one hair in your spaghetti." The man replies, "Yeah, and if I find any spaghetti in this p**sy, I'm not paying for it either."
Vote: has 79.16 % from 99 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: dirty, food
Listening to censored hip-hop is like going to a whore for a hug.
Vote: has 56.66 % from 66 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: dirty, music
Q: What's the difference between greeting the Queen of England and greeting Bill Clinton? A: You only have to get down on one knee to greet the queen.
Vote: has 59.83 % from 43 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: celebrity, dirty
A girl married with a man who had only one foot. Next day her mother rang her and asked: "My little tell me how did U feel the marriage?" Her daughter replied: "Woo real splendid; alas he has only one foot!" Her mom answered: "You must be too lucky, when I married your dad; he had only one inch!"
Vote: has 80.05 % from 67 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: communication, dirty, family, sex, wedding
Q: What's the difference between basketball and sex? A: In basketball you dribble before you shoot!
Vote: has 64.23 % from 32 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: dirty, sex, sport