Joke #5943

What is the same with spreading butter on a toast and getting a woman to spread her legs? It is possible with a credit card, but much easier with a knife.

Man goes to a fancy dress party wearing only a glass jar on his p*nis. Lady asks, "What are you?" He says, "I'm a fireman." "But you're only wearing a glass jar," says the woman. He says, "Exactly, in an emergency, break glass." Pull knob and I'll cum as fast as I can!"

Q: What do a priest and a Christmas tree have in common? A: They both have balls just for decoration.

A guy goes to the store to buy condoms. "Do you want a bag?", the cashier asks. "No", the guy says, "She's not that ugly."

"Does your ass have Allstate insurance?" "No, why?" "Well, do you want it to be in good hands?"

Q: How can you tell if a lawyer is well hung? A: You can't get a finger between the rope and his neck!

Q: How can you tell if a lesbian is butch? A: She kick starts her vibrator and rolls her own tampons.

Aaron Hernandez goes to prison as a tight end. He'll come out a wide receiver!

Susan's mother: "What are you doing on the top of that tree?" Susan: "Some boys are playing football their ball is fallen on the tree. They asked me to bring it." Susan's mother: "My dear , they only want to chech your pants." Susan: "Don't worry mam, I hav'nt put on my pants!"

Chuck Norris can't have children, because his dick wouldn't fit.

Why was the BLIND blonde sitting on newspaper? So she can lip read.