Joke #5943

What is the same with spreading butter on a toast and getting a woman to spread her legs? It is possible with a credit card, but much easier with a knife.

The average speed of ejaculation is 45km/h, which is probably why I was arrested for doing it outside a school.

Q: What's the difference between acne and a Roman Catholic Priest from the Vatican? A: Acne would wait until you're at least 13 before it would cum on your face!

What’s the difference between a barmaid in the evening and a barmaid at night? A barmaid in the evening is fair and buxom. A barmaid at night is bare and...

Hey, you wanna do a 68? You go down on me, and I'll owe you one.

Q: What's the difference between greeting the Queen of England and greeting Bill Clinton? A: You only have to get down on one knee to greet the queen.

Dad tries to persuade his son to eat the egg he has prepared for him: "Eat your egg my child to become as big as daddy!" "I do not want," says the little one. "Eat it my boy to become strong and powerful." "I’m telling you, no!" insists the youngest. "My dear son eat your egg to make your bird grow." And the mom from the inside "George, you eat the egg… I’ll make burgers for the kid!"

Q: What do a priest and a Christmas tree have in common? A: They both have balls just for decoration.

If one drop of semen contains more life than a drop of blood, why don't vampires suck cock? Oh wait... Twilight

One day a group of engineers got together and decided that man had come a long way and no longer needed God. They picked one engineer to go and tell Him that they were done with Him. The engineer walked up to God and said, "God, we've decided that we no longer need you. We're to the point that we can clone people and do many miraculous things, so why don't you just go on and get lost." God listened patiently to the man and after the engineer was done talking, God said, "Very well! How about this? Let's have a man-making contest." The man replied, "Okay, great!" But God added, "Now we're going to do this just like I did back in the old days with Adam." The engineers said, "Sure, no problem." He bent down and grabbed himself a handful of dirt. God just looked at him and said, "No, no, no. Go get your own dirt!"

My dick is too long and it causes some problems for me. On the other day when I with my girlfriend went to cinema suddenly I had an erection so that the shadow of my penis was reflected on the screen. Somebody from the corner shouted: "Mr bald sit down please we want to see the movie!"