What is the same with spreading butter on a toast and getting a woman to spread her legs?
It is possible with a credit card, but much easier with a knife.
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Had a fight with an erection this morning.
I beat it single handedly.
A priest is walking through town at his new parish when a hooker approaches him.
"Blowjobs for $20 if you're interested".
Confused by this he smiles, blesses her and goes back to the church.
He sees one of the nuns and asks her, "Sister, what's a blowjob?"
She replies, "$20. Same as in town".
*My dad helping me find a gf*
Dad: What do you want most in a woman?
Me: My dick.
*Grounded and high fived*
Q: What is the difference between a rooster and a whore?
A: The rooster goes cock doodle do and the whore goes any cock do!
A guy's talking to a girl in a bar.
He says, "What's your name?"
She says, "Carmen."
He says, "That's a nice name. Who named you, your mother?"
She says, "No, I named myself."
He says, "Why Carmen?"
She says, "Because I like cars and I like men. What's your name?"
He says, "Beerfuck."
Two gays Rupert and Cecil are lying in bed together Rupert starts rubbing vaseline on his chest.
Cecil ask, "What you doing?""
Rupert said, "I read that vaseline stimulates hair growth and I want a hairy chest.
Cecil said, "Don't be fucking stupid, if that was true I would have a ponytail sticking out of my arse..."
An old married couple were having s*x and the wife says, "Baby, suck my nipples!"
The man dies; autopsy said, "Reason for death: Expired Milk"
Don't ever let your girl talk to another guy about her problems; a shoulder to cry on, becomes a dick to ride on.