A man goes to the circus. After the show he speaks to the manager and asks for a job. "Alright, what can you do?", the manager asks. "I can do great bird impressions", the man replies. "Pssh, a lot of people can do that". "Oh well", the man says and flies away.
What do you call a cow on a trampoline? A milkshake.
What is the definition of revenge? A baby with a dog in its mouth.
How do jockeys determine which racehorses are the favourites? They take a gallop poll!
Two cows are standing in a field. One says to the other "Are you worried about Mad Cow Disease?" The other one says "No, It doesn't worry me, I'm a horse!"
What did the mooron say when he saw the milk cartons in the grass? "Hey! Look at the cow's nest!"
Q:Why don't giraffes like fast food? A:Because they can't catch it!
Chuck Norris once rode a bull threw a China shop, the only thing that broke was the bull.
Q: What do you call a guy with his hand up a Camel's arse? A: An Arab mechanic.
A panda bear walks into a restaurant and orders a sandwich. When he receives the sandwich he eats it and then shoots the waiter and leaves the restaurant. A policeman sees the panda and tells him he just broke the law. The panda bear tells the policeman that he's innocent and, if he didn't believe him, to look in the dictionary. The policeman gets a dictionary and looks up "panda bear." It says, "Panda Bear: eats shoots and leaves."
The early bird might get the worm, but the second mouse gets the cheese.