So the buddhist pulls a gun out of his coat and the vendor says, "Whoa whoa whoa, what about inner peace?".
The Buddhist responds "This is my inner piece".
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If they bring shrimp home on shrimp boats, fish home on fish boats, and clams home on clam boats, what do they bring crabs home on?
The Captains Dinghy!
Did you hear about the blind circumcicionist?
He got the sack.
The goal of life is living in agreement with Chuck Norris.
Vote:
Give a man a match, and he'll be warm for a few hours.
Set him on fire, and he will be warm for the rest of his life.
Define "Egghead":
What Mrs. Dumpty gives to Humpty.
I'm going to stand outside.
So if anyone asks, I am outstanding.
The best thing about trying to name a baby is realizing how many people you hate.
Scientists invented a machine to catch thieves.
In 30 minutes in Canada the machine caught 10 thieves, in 15 minutes in the U.S the machine caught 5 thieves, in 3 minutes in Trinidad thieves stole the machine.
A small piece of sodium that lived in a test tube fell in love with a Bunsen burner.
"Oh Bunsen, my flame," the sodium pined. "I melt whenever I see you,"
The Bunsen burner replied, "It's just a phase you're going through."