So the buddhist pulls a gun out of his coat and the vendor says, "Whoa whoa whoa, what about inner peace?". The Buddhist responds "This is my inner piece".
That awkward moment when somebody is doing dishes and you put another dish in the sink.
A doctor has come to see one of his patients in a hospital. The patient has had major surgery to both of his hands. "Doctor," says the man excitedly and dramatically holds up his heavily bandaged hands. "Will I be able to play the piano when these bandages come off?" "I don’t see why not," replies the doctor. "That’s funny," says the man. "I wasn’t able to play it before."
What did the Zen Buddist say to the hotdog vendor? Make me one with everything.
Chuck Norris like life... lucky her.
Q: How is a boss better than a wife? A: A boss at least pays you for making your life miserable.
How many Wall Street protesters does it take to change a light bulb? None, they can't change a thing.
‘I’ve found the secret of eternal youth. I lie about my age.’ Bob Hope How many boring people does it take to change a light bulb? One.
Chuck Norris has only used the 'Total Gym' twice in his life. When his eyes are open - and when they are closed.
A woman worries about the future until she gets a husband. A man never worries about the future until he gets a wife.
The houseman invited over his boss and partners, for lunch. With them, his little 5year-old daughter was there. "Don’t you want to say the prayers before lunch, so Our Holly Father give us his blessings?," asks the father. "But... I don’t know what to say...," the little girl admits. "Just say what you heard your mommy say last time inside the kitchen!," said her mother to help her. And the girl: "Oh, God! Why in this life, my husband must invite all these people for lunch?"