Chuck Norris can arrive anywhere without actually leaving.
Chuck Norris's daughter lost her virginity, he got it back.
Chuck Norris douses all his food in diesel fuel and sets it on fire, 'cuz he likes it mildly spicy.
Chuck Norris doesn't use his hand to catch bullets, he uses his mind.
Chuck Norris once won the Iditarod by pulling his team of dogs on the sled.
When God said "Let there be light!", Chuck Norris said "Only for half the day."
A train saw Chuck Norris on the track and turned down a dirt road.
Chuck Norris once planted a box of Cheerios in his yard, the result was a donut tree.
Chuck Norris is not hung like a horse... horses are hung like Chuck Norris
Chuck Norris doesn't check the time - he decides it.
Chuck Norris can strum your pain with his fingers, tell your whole life with his words – but mainly just kill you softly with his song.