Joke #639

Is it just me, or do alligators always look like they are in the middle of a push-up?

Chuck Norris does not buy ground beef, he just takes a whole cow, runs it through his beard, and fully cooked hamburgers come out.

A dog goes to a telegraph office and dictates a message. ‘Woof, woof, woof, woof, woof, woof, woof, woof, woof.’ The operator reads it back then says, ‘Y’ know, we charge per ten words. You could have an extra ‘woof’ for free.’ ‘No thanks,’ says the dog.

Yo mamma so fat and scary, Godzilla watches "yo mamma" movies!

Teacher: "Who can tell me 5 wild animals?" Little Johnny: "2 lions & 3 wolves."

How do you f*ck a fat chick? Roll her in flour and find the wet spot.

What is the difference between turkey and mother-in-law? There is no difference: both are the best when they are cold on the table.

Chuck Norris can light ants on fire with a magnifying glass. At Night.

Why is manna from heaven like horse hay? Both are food from aloft!

A skunk family had two little skunks they called In and Out. One day little In disappeared. Mother Skunk, Father Skunk and young Out spent hours looking for him, getting more worried all the time. In the end the parents went home to have a cup of tea, but Out said he d continue searching for a while. Half an hour later he returned home, with a tired In following behind him. "However did you find him?" asked Father Skunk. "In-stinct," replied Out.

One day, a guy decides to go ice fishing. He gets out onto the ice and starts making a hole with his ice augur. Suddenly he hears a booming voice say "there's no fish there!" He looks around startled but doesn't see anyone. He packs up and moves to another spot and starts working on a new hole. Again he hears the booming voice "there's no fish there!" He moves again and starts making a new hole and hears the voice again. "There's no fish there!" it booms. He looks up nervously. "G-G-God? I-I-Is that... you?" he asks. "No, it's the arena manager. Get the fuck out of here!"