Is it just me, or do alligators always look like they are in the middle of a push-up?
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What is a cow's favorite lunch meat?
Bullogna.
A zebra has wondered his whole life whether he was a white zebra with black stripes or a black zebra with white stripes.
When he dies and goes to heaven he asks God the question "Am I a white zebra with black stripes or a black zebra with white stripes?"
God responds, "You are what you are"
The zebra goes to his friends and tells them what God had said and that he still doesn't know the answer to his question.
One of his friends says, "Well, that means you are a white zebra with black stripes"
The zebra asks him why and the friend says, "Because otherwise God would have said 'You is what you is'"
Yo momma is so hairy when she lifts her armpit up it looks like she's got Bigfoot in a headlock.
What South American dance do cows like to do?
The Rump-a.
A family of tortoises went into a cafe for some ice cream.
They sat down and were about to start when Father Tortoise said, "I think it's going to rain. Junior, will you pop home and fetch my umbrella?"
So off went junior for Father's umbrella, but three days later he still hadn't returned.
"I think, dear," said Mother Tortoise to Father Tortoise, "that we had better eat junior's ice cream before it melts."
And a voice from the door said, "If you do that I won't go."
Chuck Norris looked Medusa straight in the eyes, and laughed.
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Yo mama so stupid that she mourned wen we slaughtered a goat for Cristmas.
Q: What do women and cats have in common?
A: Pussy farts.
How did cows feel when the branding iron was invented?
They were very impressed.
A man goes to the circus. After the show he speaks to the manager and asks for a job.
"Alright, what can you do?", the manager asks.
"I can do great bird impressions", the man replies.
"Pssh, a lot of people can do that".
"Oh well", the man says and flies away.