God wanted 10 days to build the world, Chuck Norris gave him 6.
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God said to Adam, "I’ve got some good news and some bad news.
First the good news.
I have given you a brain and a p***s.
The bad news… I’ve only given you enough blood to work one of them at a time!"
Once chuck norris and time had race.
Result: The time is still running.
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Once a cobra bit Chuck Norris.
After 5 days of extreme pain... the snake died.
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In the beginning of time, God created the world and then rested.
Then he created man and rested.
Then God created woman.
Since then neither God nor man has rested.
Chuck Norris once climbed Mt. Everest in 15 minutes, 14 of which he was building a snowman at the bottom.
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In the winter of 1926, Thelma Goldstein from Chicago treated herself to her first real vacation in Florida.
Being unfamiliar with the area, she wandered into a restricted hotel in North Miami.
"Excuse me," she said to the manager. "My name is Mrs. Goldstein, and I’d like a small room for two weeks."
"I’m awfully sorry," he replied, "but all of our rooms are occupied."
Just as he said that, a man came down and checked out.
"What luck," said Mrs. Goldstein. "Now there’s a room.
"Not so fast, Madam. I’m sorry, but this hotel is restricted. No Jews allowed."
"Jewish? Who’s Jewish? I happen to be Catholic."
"I find that hard to believe. Let me ask you, who was the Son of God?"
"Jesus, Son of Mary."
"Where was he born?"
"In a stable."
"And why was he born in a stable?"
"Because a schmuck like you wouldn’t let a Jew rent a room in his hotel!"
It takes Chuck Norris 20 minutes to watch 60 Minutes.
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Night time... when Chuck Norris tells the sun it's time for bed.
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An atheist was rowing on Loch Ness in Scotland one day, when suddenly the Loch Ness monster attacked and grabbed him from his boat.
He panicked and shouted "God help me!", and suddenly, the monster and everything around him just froze.
A voice from the heavens boomed "You say you don't believe in me, but now you're asking for my help?"
The atheist looked up and said, "Well, ten seconds ago I didn't believe in the Loch Ness Monster either."
Chuck Norris can walk on water..,he's not God...the water is just afraid of getting him wet.
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