A man took a poop in a gas station and then realized there was no toilet paper. There was a hole in the wall and a sign above it that read: "When you go to the bathroom, wipe yourself with your index finger, stick it through this hole and it will be thoroughly cleaned." The man did exactly what the sign said, but when he stuck his finger through the hole, someone at the other side slapped two bricks together against his finger and because of the pain he stuck his finger in his mouth and started to suck on it.
Q: What do you call a Puerto Rican midget? A: A spec.
Q: What do you get when you mix cigarettes with hot water? A: A soggy butt.
Being single is cool cause you can eat a whole jar of pepperoncinis and spend the rest of the night farting spicily into the abyss.
Q: What's the difference between pea soup and roast beef? A: Anyone can roast beef.
How is a soyburger like a dildo? They're both substitutes for meat.
Q: What's the difference between an epyleptic oyster shucker and a prostitute with diahrrea? A: One shucks between fits.
Q: Why do farts smell? A: So deaf people can enjoy them, too.
A fellow always wanted to own a pet skunk, so in the dead of winter, he took his girlfriend with him to go hunting for one. After a bit of waiting, they bagged a skunk and brought him back to the truck. The skunk was very scared and very cold, so the guy asks his girlfriend if she can keep the skunk between her legs to keep him warm. "But what about the smell?" asks his girlfriend. "Oh, he'll get used to it, just like I did."
How did the live baby escape from a room filled with with zombie babies? He ate his way out.
A family walks into a talent agency. It's a father, mother, son, daughter and dog. The father says to the talent agent, "We have a really amazing act. You should represent us." The agent says, "Sorry, I don't represent family acts. They're a little too cute." The mother says, "Sir, if you just see our act, we know you would want to represent us." The agent says, "OK. OK. I'll take a look."