Q: Why do men take showers instead of baths?
A: Pissing in the bath is disgusting. 
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A little nine year old girl was in church with her mother when she started feeling ill.
"Mommy" she said "Can we leave now?"
"No" her mother replied.
"Well, I think I have to throw up!"
"Then go out the front door and around to the back of the church and throw up behind a bush."
In about two minutes the little girl returned to her seat.
"Did you throw up?" her mother asked.
"Yes" the little girl replied.
"Well, how could you have gone all the way to the back of the church and return so quickly?"
"I didn't have to go out of the church, Mommy" the little girl replied, "They have a box next to the front door that says 'for the sick'."
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Josi frequently attends his church Bingo club, where every week a gag doorprize is given out.
One week, Josi is presented with a toilet brush.
"What the hell is this?" he asks the pastor.
"Why, it's a toilet brush."
"Ooh, I see," says Josi.
A couple weeks later, the pastor jokingly asks Josi how the brush is working.
"Well, it's okay, but I think I'll go back to using paper."
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How do you embarrass an archaeologist?
Give him a used tampon and ask him what period it came from.
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A man jumps off a building at the same time that another man pisses.
Which hits the ground first?
The piss, because nobody beats the Wiz!
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Q: Whats worse then finding a worm in your apple?
A: Finding half a worm."
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An old couple is on a walk, when a pigeon flies by and relieves himself on the woman's head.
"Yech!" says the woman. "Get some toilet paper."
"What for? He must be half-a-mile away by now."
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Why did God give women legs?
So they don't leave a trail like a slug.
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Did you hear about the midget that went into the whorehouse?
He got a twat in the face.
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Q: What is 40 feet long and smells like urine?
A: Line dancing at a nursing home.
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3 bums were outside a bar.
The first one went in and asked for a fork.
The second one went in and also asked for a fork.
Then the third one went in and wanted a straw.
At this point, the bartender became curious.
"How come all your friends want forks and you want a straw?"
"Well," the bum said, "the dog threw up and the chunks are all gone."
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