A snail and a slug got in a crash.
When the police, ambulances and news reporters arrived, a reporter asked a tortoise what happened.
He replied: "I don't know, it all happened so fast!"
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What did the calf say to the silo?
"Is my fodder in there?"
Little Johnny was sitting in class doing math problems when his teacher picked him to answer a question, "Johnny, if there were five birds sitting on a fence and you shot one with your gun, how many would be left?"
"None," replied Johnny, "cause the rest would fly away."
"Well, the answer is four," said the teacher, "but I like the way you're thinking."
Little Johnny says, "I have a question for you. If there were three women eating ice cream cones in a shop, one was licking her cone, the second was biting her cone and the third was sucking her cone, which one is married?"
"Well," said the teacher nervously, "I guess the one sucking the cone."
"No," said Little Johnny, "the one with the wedding ring on her finger, but I like the way you're thinking."
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Chuck Norris likes his steaks still mooing.
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Q: What does a twelve-pound mouse say to a cat?
A: ‘Here Kitty, kitty, kitty’!
Why doesn't Sweden export it's cattle?
It wants to keep it's Stockholm!
What happened to the tiger who took a bath three times a day?
After a week he was spotless.
What's an octopuses favourite latin saying?
Squid pro quo.
Your mom's so dumb, she threw the dog and told the stick to fetch!
What color socks do bears wear?
(They don't wear socks, they have bear feet!)