Joke #5178

Q: How many sheep do you need to make a sweater? A: I don’t know. I didn’t think sheep could knit!

Chuck Norris once walked in the opposite direction in the Running of the Bulls. The bulls turned around and ran for their lives.

A man is walking through the wood and he meets a really ugly, big and a fat frog. The frog says: "Hello, prince if you kiss me, I will fulfill you one wish. You can wish whatever you want." The man says: "Ok, I will kiss you." He kisses the frog, he has told her his wish but nothing has happened. And the frog said: "Now you can see, such an old man and still believes in fairy tales."

What is the difference between turkey and mother-in-law? There is no difference: both are the best when they are cold on the table.

What do you call a dinosaur that's a noisy sleeper? A Brontosnorus.

What do you get when you cross a rabbit with a boy scout? A boyscout who helps little old ladies hop across the street.

A bloke's wife goes missing while diving off the West Australian coast. He reports the event, searches fruitlessly and spends a terrible night wondering what could have happened to her.  Next morning there's a knock at the door and he is confronted by a couple of policemen, the old Sarge and a younger Constable. The Sarge says, "Mate, we have some news for you, unfortunately some really bad news, but, some good news, and maybe some more good news".  "Well," says the bloke, "I guess I'd better have the bad news first." The Sarge says, "I'm really sorry mate, but your wife is dead. Young Bill here found her lying at about five fathoms in a little cleft in the reef. He got a line around her and we pulled her up, but she was dead."  The bloke is naturally pretty distressed to hear of this and has a bit of a turn. But after a few minutes he pulls himself together and asks what the good news is. The Sarge says, "Well when we got your wife up there were quite a few really good sized crayfish and a swag of nice crabs attached to her, so we've brought you your share."  He hands the bloke a sugar bag with a couple of nice crays and four or five crabs in it.  "Geez, thanks. They're bloody beauties. I guess it's an ill wind and all that... so what's the other possible good news?" "Well", the Sarge says, "if you fancy a quick trip, me and young Bill here get off duty at around 11 o'clock and we're gonna shoot over there and pull her up again!"

A boy at a cinema notices what looks like a bear sitting next to him "Are you a bear?" "Yes" "What are you doing at the movies?" "Well, I liked the book!"

What did one skunk say to another? And so do you.

There is no theory of evolution. Just a list of animals Chuck Norris allows to live.

Where does a cow stop to drink? The milky way.