Q: How many sheep do you need to make a sweater?
A: I don’t know.
I didn’t think sheep could knit!
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What is a moo hoo for steak that came late?
Filet delay.
Yo mamma so fat and scary, Godzilla watches "yo mamma" movies!
Why did the dinosaur have so few friends?
Because Tyrannosaurus reeks!
"Does your dog bite?"
"No."
(Tries to touch dog. Dog bites him)
"Argh! I thought you said your dog doesn't bite!"
"That is not my dog."
One day, a guy decides to go ice fishing.
He gets out onto the ice and starts making a hole with his ice augur.
Suddenly he hears a booming voice say "there's no fish there!"
He looks around startled but doesn't see anyone.
He packs up and moves to another spot and starts working on a new hole.
Again he hears the booming voice "there's no fish there!"
He moves again and starts making a new hole and hears the voice again.
"There's no fish there!" it booms.
He looks up nervously.
"G-G-God? I-I-Is that... you?" he asks.
"No, it's the arena manager. Get the fuck out of here!"
What's black and white and green?
A frog sitting on a newspaper.
Q: Why did Mozart kill all his chickens?
A: Because when he asked them who the best composer was, they'd all say: "Bach, Bach, Bach."
Curiosity didn't kill the cat.
Chuck Norris did.
Vote:
My tomcat used to stay out all night, so I took him to the vet and had him neutered.
Now he still stays out all night – it turns out he likes to watch!