Q: What did one butt cheek say to the other? A: Together, we can stop this sh*t.
You might be a redneck if you think taking a bubble bath starts with eating beans for dinner.
Q: Why do you put babies into a blender feet first? A: So you can see the look in their eyes when you turn it on!
An old man and a young man work together in an office. The old man always has a jar of peanuts on his desk, and the young man really loves peanuts. One day, while the old man is away from his desk, the young man yields to temptation and scarfs down over half of the contents of the jar. When the old man returns, the young man feels guilty and confesses to his crime. "Don't worry, son. I never eat the peanuts anyway," the old man replies. "Since I lost my teeth, all I can do is gum chocolate off the M&M's."
Q: What is worse than ten dead people in one trashcan? A: One dead person in ten trashcans!
That moment when you notice that one fork isn't really very clean when you're laying the table and you have to decide which family member you like the least.
Two guys always catch the train to work together; one is French, the other Italian. Every morning when the French guy gets on, he passes his fingers underneath his nose while sniffing and says "Aaahhh... Fifi!" He does this every day, so the Italian guy says to him one morning, "Why do you do that and say 'Aaahhh... Fifi!'?" The French man explaines that Fifi is his wife, and he fingers her every morning and it reminds him of her all day. The next morning, the French guy gets on the trains and sniffs his fingers saying, "Fifi!" Then the Italian guy gets on and runs his whole arm under his nose and says, "Aaahhh... Maria!"
What do you call a masturbating cow? Beef Stroke-n-off
What's the difference between a dead baby and a table? You can't fuck a table.
Did you hear about the midget that went into the whorehouse? He got a twat in the face.
Two hunters are stalking through the forest when one says to the other that he has to take a dump. "Well, go in the bushes." "What should I use to wipe my ass?" "Use a dollar bill." A few minutes later the hunter steps out of the bushes with s**t all over his hands. "What happened?" asks his friend. "I didn't have a dollar bill, so I used four quarters."