Q: What did one butt cheek say to the other? A: Together, we can stop this sh*t.
Jeremy and Kris walk down the street and see a dog licking himself. Jeremy says, "Man, I wish I could do that!" Kris replies, "I think you'd have to pet him first."
What do you if you're trapped inside a whale? Run round and round till you're all pooped out!
Once there was a little boy in church. He had to go to the bathroom so he told his mother, "Mommy, I have to piss." The mother said, "Son don't say piss in church. Next time you have to piss, say, 'whisper' because it is more polite." The next Sunday, the litle boy was sitting by his father this time, and once again, he had to go to the bathroom. He told his father, "Daddy I have to whisper." The father said, "OK. Here, whisper in my ear."
Your fart's so loud, astronauts in space mistook your fart for a message from Houston!
Q: What do you get if you cross a bear with a toilet? A: Winnie the Pooh.
What does Michael Jackson call a Tickle-Me-Elmo doll? Bait!
Why did President Clinton name his dog Buddy instead of Spot? Because he didn't want people running around the White House saying, "come Spot, come Spot!"
What do you call a man with no arms and no legs in the water? Bob. On the wall? Art. On the floor? Matt.
Q: What's the difference between an epyleptic oyster shucker and a prostitute with diahrrea? A: One shucks between fits.
What did the mother vampire say to her daughter when she picked up a tampon? "Honey, no in-between meal snacks!"