Q: What did one butt cheek say to the other?
A: Together, we can stop this sh*t.
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Similar jokes
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What is funnier than a zombie baby hanging from a ceiling fan?
Hitting it with a shovel when it comes around.
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Why did President Clinton name his dog Buddy instead of Spot?
Because he didn't want people running around the White House saying, "come Spot, come Spot!"
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How many babies does it take to paint a house?
Depends how hard you throw them.
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"Where are you going to take Vampira on your date?" asked one vampire.
"Oh, I thought we'd go to the movies, and then get a quick bite."
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What went through the fly's mind as he hit the windshield?
His Butt!
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"Doctor, I have a problem..."
"What’s your problem?"
"I pee in my sleep, every night!"
"Why?"
"Oh, well... Every night, a little devil visits me in my sleep and asks me; “Did we pee today?”.
"And, that’s it? The solution is so simple.. Listen to me! If the little devil comes again you’re gonna answer; 'Yeah, dude, I did!'"
"And that will cut it off?"
"Sure! Like a knife!"
At night, the little devil showed up on the patient’s dream and whispered;
"Did we pee today?"
"Yeah, dude, I did!" said angry the guy.
And little devil replied: "What about poop?"
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A man visits his aunt in the nursing home.
It turns out that she is taking a nap, so he just sits down in a chair in her room, flips through a few magazines, and munches on some peanuts sitting in a bowl on the table.
Eventually, the aunt wakes up, and her nephew realizes he’s absentmindedly finished the entire bowl of peanuts.
"I’m so sorry, auntie, I’ve eaten all of your peanuts!"
"That’s okay, dearie," the aunt replied. "After I’ve sucked the chocolate off, I don’t care for them anyway."
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Q: What's red, sits in front of a mirror, and gets smaller and smaller?
A: A vain idiot combing his hair with a potato peeler.
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An old couple is on a walk, when a pigeon flies by and relieves himself on the woman's head.
"Yech!" says the woman. "Get some toilet paper."
"What for? He must be half-a-mile away by now."
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What's grosser than gross?
Ten babies in one mail box.
What's grosser than that?
One baby in ten mailboxes.
What's grosser than that?
Biting into a pickle and finding a vein.
What's grosser than that?
A cheerleader doing a split and sticking to the floor.
What's grosser than that?
A girl thinking she has crabs only to find it's fruit flies because her cherry rotted.
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