Q: What does a twelve-pound mouse say to a cat?
A: ‘Here Kitty, kitty, kitty’!
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Once upon a time, there was a cat who died.
When she got to heaven, God asked her how she liked being on earth.
She told the Lord that it was awful, she had to sleep in cold back alleys where there was no food and life was hard.
God told her that he was sorry it had had turned out that way but here, in heaven, she would be happy and He would give her the most comfortable, warm pillow to sleep on.
The cat laid down upon the pillow and was happy.
A few days later, about a dozen mice that came to heaven together and God asked them how they had liked earth.
Earth was no better for them than it was the cat.
They explained to God that it was tough and exhausting and their feet were worn out from always running from cats and dogs and people.
God felt bad for the mice and decided to give them rollerskates.
One day God sees the cat again and asked her how she was liking heaven.
She explained that it was absolutely wonderful.
The pillow he gave her was the most comfortable place that she had ever slept on, but even better than the pillow were the meals on wheels.
When should you feel sorry for a skunk?
When its spray pump is out of order!.
I hope to be the kind of person my dog thinks I am.
Did you hear about the overweight man who took up horse riding as exercise?
The horse lost 15 pounds in a week!
What's a cow's favorite moosical note?
Beef-flat!
Mama bear to Papa bear: "Well... You might call it hibernating — I call it goofing off ."
How did the farmer find his lost cow?
He tractor down.
Why did the frog cross the road?
Some mean little kid super-glued it to the chicken.
One day a blonde went to a sea food restaurant and saw the tank where they kept the lobsters.
She took pity on these creatures and hid them in her purse.
Later she went to the woods to set the poor animals free.