Q: What does a twelve-pound mouse say to a cat?
A: ‘Here Kitty, kitty, kitty’!
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Q: What's the difference between Chuck Norris and a bear?
A: Chuck Norris has more chest hair.
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Cow: "Why don't you shoo those flies?"
Bull: "I ll let them go barefoot!"
Yo mama is so stupid, when I offered her animal crackers she said no thanks, I'm a vegetarian.
A man takes his wife to the stock show.
They start heading down the alley that had the bulls.
They come up to the first bull and his sign stated: “This bull mated 50 times last year.”
The wife turns to her husband and says, “He mated 50 times in a year, you could learn from him.”
They proceed to the next bull and his sign stated: “This bull mated 65 times last year.”
The wife turns to her husband and says, “This one mated 65 times last year.
That is over 5 times a month. You can learn from this one, also.”
They proceeded to the last bull and his sign said: “This bull mated 365 times last year.”
The wife’s mouth drops open and says, “WOW! He mated 365 times last year. That is ONCE A DAY! You could really learn from this one.”
The man turns to his wife and says, “Go up and see if it was 365 times with the same cow.”
One day a man heard knocking at his door.
He opened the door only to see a small snail sitting there smiling.
The guy picked the snail up and threw it as far as he possibly could.
Three years later he heard knocking at the door again.
He opened the door to see the snail.
The snail said, "What the hell was that all about?"
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What is a cow's favourite TV show?
Dr Moo.
Q: Where does a kangaroo go that can't hop?
A: Hopspital.
Chuck Norris once wrestled a thirty foot snake, and then he realized he was just masturbating.
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Why do milking stools only have three legs?
'Cause the cow's got the udder!