Why did the farmer fence in the bull?
The farmer had too much of a steak in him to let him go!
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What does a cow like to do by a campfire?
Roast Moosmallows.
On what should you mount a statue of your cat?
A caterpillar!
A man who is concerned about his wife cheating on him wants to catch her in the act.
He doesn’t have enough money to hire a PI, so he goes to a pet shop.
There he asks the clerk if he has a parrot for sale.
The clerk shows him the last parrot he has: “This is the last parrot I have for sale. He doesn’t have any legs, but he is very smart.”
The man asks, “If he doesn’t have any legs, how does he stay on the perch?”
“He holds on with his dick.” the clerk answered.
The man asks ” How much?”
“Since he doesn’t have any legs, I’ll sell him to you for fifty bucks.”
The suspicious man purchases the talking bird and takes him home.
He sets up the cage in his bedroom where he can see everything; he then instructs the parrot to watch what ever goes on in the room and inform him when he gets home from work.
So the next morning he leaves for work and his wife stays home, as usual.
When the man gets home from work, as his wife is cooking supper, he asks the parrot to tell him what went on during the day.
The parrot begins, “At eight o’clock this morning the mailman came….”
Interrupting the man asks, “Yeah and what happened?”
“he came in the house…”
Furiously, the man asked “And then”
“…and then he came into the bedroom…”
Astounded the man impatiently asks, “What happened next?”
“He began to take off his clothes and she hers…” “What happened after that!”
The parrot then replied, “I don’t know I sprung a boner and fell off!”
Godzilla is a Japanese rendition of Chuck Norris' first visit to Tokyo.
Vote:
Yo mommas so stupid when she licked a dog she said meow.
What happened to the lost cattle?
Nobody's herd.
Why do you never see zebras or antelopes at Victoria Station?
Because it's a mane-lion station.
What happens to a frog's car when it breaks down?
It gets toad away.
Yo momma is so hairy when she lifts her armpit up it looks like she's got Bigfoot in a headlock.