Four men were bragging about how smart their cats are.
The first man was an Engineer, the second man was an Accountant, the third man was a Chemist, the fourth was a Government Employee.
To show off, the Engineer called to his cat, “Tsquare, do your stuff.”
T-square pranced over to a desk, took out some paper and a pen and promptly drew a circle, a square, and a triangle.
Everyone agreed that was pretty smart.
But the Accountant said his cat could do better.
He called his cat and said, Spreadsheet, do your stuff.”
Spreadsheet went out into the kitchen and returned with a dozen cookies. He divided them into 4 equal piles of 3 cookies each.
Everyone agreed that was good.
But the Chemist said his cat could do better.
He called his cat and said, “Measure, do your stuff.”
Measure got up, walked over to the fridge, took out a quart of milk, got a 10 ounce glass from the cupboard and poured exactly 8 ounces without spilling a drop.
Everyone agreed that was good.
Then the three men turned to the Government Employee and said, “What can your cat do?”
The Government Worker called to his cat and said, “Coffee Break, do your stuff.”
Coffee Break jumped to his feet, ate the cookies, drank the milk, crapped on the paper, screwed the other three cats, claimed he injured his back while doing so, filed a grievance report for unsafe working conditions, put in for Workers Compensation and went home for the rest of the day on sick leave.
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A mother and baby camel are talking one day when the baby camel asks, "Mom why have I got these huge three-toed feet?"
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"Okay," said the son. A few minutes later the son asks, "Mom, why have I got these great long eyelashes?"
"They are there to keep the sand out of your eyes on the trips through the desert," "Thanks Mom," replies the son.
After a short while, the son returns and asks, "Mom, why have I got these great big humps on my back?"
The mother, now a little impatient with the boy replies, "They are there to help us store fat for our long treks across the desert, so we can go without water for long periods."
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A: Laughing stock.
Where do milk shakes come from?
Nervous cows.
A lady was picking through the frozen turkeys at the grocery store, but couldn't find one big enough for her family.
She asked a stock boy, "Do these turkeys get any bigger?"
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Why did the dinosaur cross the road?
It was the chicken's day off.
How do you hire a teddy bear?
Put him on stilts.