Joke #6906

A man went to visit a friend and was amazed to find him playing chess with his dog. He watched the game in astonishment for a while. “I can hardly believe my eyes!” he exclaimed. That’s the smartest dog I’ve ever seen.” “Nah, he’s not so smart,” the friend replied. I’ve beaten him three games out of five."
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A old snake goes to see his Doctor. "Doc, I need something for my eyes...can't see well these days". The Doc fixes him up with a pair of glasses and tells him to return in 2 weeks. The snake comes back in 2 weeks and tells the doctor he's very depressed. Doc says, "What's the problem...didn't the glasses help you?" "The glasses are fine doc, I just discovered I've been living with a water hose the past 2 years!"
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What do you call a herd of cows in a psychiatrists office? An encownter group.
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How can you tell a rabbit from a skunk? A skunk uses a cheaper deodorant.
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A young woman was having a physical examination and was very embarrassed because of a weight problem. As she removed her last bit of clothing, she blushed. "I'm so ashamed, and dirty Doctor," she said, "I guess I let myself go." The physician was checking hers eyes and ears. "Don't feel ashamed, Miss. You don't look that bad." "Do you really think so, Doctor?" she asked. The doctor held a tongue depressor in front of her face and said, "Of course. Now just open your mouth and say moo."
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Q: What kind of bees make milk instead of honey? A: Boo-bees.
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What does the fox say? Whatever the hell Chuck Norris tells him to.
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Question: What’s the difference between a woman with PMS and a pit bull? Answer: Lipstick.
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Pavlov walks into a bar. The phone rings, and he says, "Damn, I forgot to feed the dog."
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Contrary to popular belief, Chuck Norris, not the box jellyfish of northern Australia, is the most venomous creature on earth. Within 3 minutes of being bitten, a human being experiences the following symptoms: fever, blurred vision, beard rash, tightness of the jeans, and the feeling of being repeatedly kicked through a car windshield.
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What did Mariah Carey really wanted to sing: "All I want for Christmas is you... to get hit by a reindeer."
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