There was a papa mole, a momma mole, and a baby mole.
They lived in a hole out in the country near a farmhouse.
Papa mole poked his head out of the hole and said, "Mmmm, I smell sausage!"
Momma mole poked her head outside the hole and said, "Mmmm, I smell pancakes!"
Baby mole tried to stick his head outside but couldn't because of the two bigger moles.
Baby mole said, "The only thing I smell is molasses."
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An eagle swoops down from the sky and eats a mouse.
Three hours later, while the eagle is flying, the mouse sticks its head out of the eagle's butt and asks, "How high up are we?"
"About 2,000 feet," the eagle replies.
The mouse replies, "You ain't sh*ttin' me, are you?"
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What happens when the cows refuse to be milked?
Udder chaos.
What do you get if you cross a zebra with an ape man?
Tarzan stripes forever.
What do you get if you cross a tiger with a sheep?
A stripey sweater.
Why did the bareback performer ride his horse?
Because it got too heavy to carry.
A bear and a rabbit are taking a shit in the woods, finally the bear says, "excuse me ,do you have problems with crap sticking to your furr when you go?"
The rabbit replies, "WHY NO".....so then the bear wiped his ass with the rabbit.
What do you call a herd of cows in a psychiatrists office?
An encownter group.
What is the fiercest flower in the garden?
The tiger lily.
Customer: "Waiter, there’s a fly swimming in my soup."
Waiter: "So what do you expect me to do, call a lifeguard?"
How are black people and wolves similar?
They both fight in packs.
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