Some advice for guys: When the red river's flowin', take the dirt road.
Q: What can popsicles do that men can't? A: Come in five flavors.
What does the cannibal do just after he dumped his girlfriend? Wiped his ass.
Q: What's the difference between an epyleptic oyster shucker and a prostitute with diahrrea? A: One shucks between fits.
When is the best time to bury that baby you killed? When it starts talking to you again.
Q: Why there are many bubbles on the pool's water? A: Swimmers are farting.
Two flies sit on a pile of poop. One fly passes gas. The other fly looks at him and says, "Hey do you mind? I'm eating here."
It was the kindergarten teachers birthday and the students decided that they would each buy their teacher a gift. The first student, whose parents own a florist shop, gave her a present. She held it and said "I guess that it is flowers". "How did you guess?" asked the little boy. She laughed and thanked him. The second student, whose parents own a candy store, gave her a present. She held it and said, "I guess that is some candy." "How did you guess?" asked the little boy. She again laughed and thanked him also. The third student, whose parents own a bottle shop, gave her a box which was leaking. The teacher touched the liquid with her finger and tasted it. "Mmmmm is it wine?" she asked. "No," said the little girl. So she tasted it again. "Is it champagne?" she asked. "Noooo," replied the little girl, "It's a puppy."
Two girls take a walk on a hot summer day. They see an old lady sitting in front of her house eating watermelon. They notice she isn't wearing any panties. "Is it cooler without panties?" they ask. She says, "I don't know if it's cooler, but it sure keeps the flies off the watermelon."
What is the difference between a fridge and a kid? A fridge doesn't shout when you put your meat inside it.
Little Red Riding Hood walks through the forest and sees a wolf hunched under a tree with its ears erect and its mouth stretched in a big grimace. She says to the wolf, "My, what big ears you have!" The wolf keeps grimacing. She says, "My, what big eyes you have!" The wolf grimaces even wider, baring his teeth. She says, "My, what big teeth you have!" The wolf finally snaps and says, "F**k off! I'm trying to take a dump."