Some advice for guys: When the red river's flowin', take the dirt road.
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Q: How do you know a gay guy has farted?
A: He needs to change his pants afterward.
Five liters of bean soup for dinner – let´s spend the night with the gas mask!
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What's the difference between a leprechaun and gonorrhea?
One's a cunning runt.
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How do you f*ck a fat chick?
Roll her in flour and find the wet spot.
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A redneck boy runs into his house and proclaims, "I've found the girl that I'm gonna marry! And she's a virgin!"
Incensed, his father pounds his fist on the table.
"There's no way you'll marry that girl! If she aint' good enough for her own family, she ain't good enough for ours."
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What do you give Mikey for his 18th birthday?
A 90 year old woman, because Mikey will eat anything.
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A little guy gets on a plane and sits next to the window.
A few minutes later, a big, heavy, strong, mean-looking, hulking guy plops down in the seat next to him and immediately falls asleep.
The little guy starts to feel a little airsick, but he's afraid to wake the big guy up to ask if he can go to the toilet.
He knows he can't climb over him, and so the little guy is sitting there, looking at the big guy, trying to decide what to do.
Suddenly, the plane hits an air pocket and an uncontrollable wave of nausea passes through the little guy.
He can't hold it in any longer and he pukes all over the big guy's chest.
About five minutes later the big guy wakes up, looks down, and sees the vomit all over him.
"So," says the little guy, "are you feeling better now?"
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Yo Mama so hairy, when she shaved her legs, your dad thought she got a new carpet.
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One man says, "I can't believe they are still together after all that crap."
The other man says, "Who?"
The first man says, "Your butt cheeks."
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What did the mother vampire say to her daughter when she picked up a tampon?
"Honey, no in-between meal snacks!"
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