Husband admiring his body in the mirror says to wife "look at that, 14 stones of pure dynamite !"
Wife replies "yeah, shame about the 2 inch fuse..."
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What is a "successful hunting trip"?
When three men kill 9 cases of Budweiser in two days
One morning while his wife was making breakfast, a man walked up to her and gave her a healthy pinch on her butt.
He said to her, "If you firmed up your butt we could get rid of your girdle."
The wife was angry but said nothing. The next morning her husband pinched her breast and said, "If you firmed these up we could get rid of your bra."
The wife grabbed her husband's penis and replied, "and if you firmed this up we could get rid of the mailman, the gardener, the pool man, and your brother!"
Q: Why are men so happy?
A: Because ignorance is bliss.
Why do men ask for a woman's hand in marriage?
Because they are tired of using their own.
Hi, I see that you're new to this gym, and I wanna be the first male to bother you.
Q. What is the one thing that all men at singles bars have in common?
A. They're married.
Diamonds are a girl's best friend.
Dogs are man's best friend.
So which is the dumber sex?
How do you know when a woman is about to say something smart?
When she starts a sentence with, "A man once told me..."
What do you call an intelligent, good looking, sensitive man?
A rumor.
They say the surest way to a man's heart is through the stomach.
But personally, I find going through the ribcage a lot easier.
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