Joke #6964

Husband admiring his body in the mirror says to wife "look at that, 14 stones of pure dynamite !" Wife replies "yeah, shame about the 2 inch fuse..."
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A drunk guy took a cat home to his wife and said: "See... here is the a monkey of the jungle." His wife said laughing, "That's a CAT ..." He said back to his wife, "I am talking to the cat!"
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John: I didn't sleep with my wife before we were married. Did you? Bob: I'm not sure. What was your wife's maiden name?
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If you catch a man…throw him back.
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I was sitting in the waiting room of the hospital after my wife had gone into labour and the nurse walked out and said to the man sitting next to me, "Congratulations sir, you’re the new father of twins!" The man replied, "How about that, I work for the Doublemint Chewing Gum Company." The man then followed the woman to his wife’s room. About an hour later, the same nurse entered the waiting room and announced that Mr. Smith’s wife has just had triplets. Mr. Smith stood up and said, "Well, how do ya like that, I work for the 3M Company." The gentleman that was sitting next to me then got up and started to leave. When I asked him why he was leaving, he remarked, "I think I need a breath of fresh air." The man continued, "I work for 7-UP."
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A woman didn't come home one night. The next morning she told her husband that she had slept over at a friend's house. The man called his wife's 10 best friends. None of them knew anything about it. A man didn't come home 1 night. The next morning he told his wife that he had slept over at a friends house. The wife called her husband's 10 best friends. 8 of them confirmed that he had slept over and 2 said he was still there.
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Q: What is height of Stupidity? A: A man looking through a keyhole of a glass door.
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2 cannibals having dinner. 1st says to 2nd, "Your wife makes a lovely stew." 2nd answers, "Yes but I will miss her."
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There once was a fellow from Kent Who had such a long instrument. To stay out of trouble He folded it double. And instead of coming he went.
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After an accident... 1st Driver : I flashed the headlights and told you to let me go first. 2nd Driver : I also started the wipers and said NO NO...
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Why do men need instant replay on TV sports? Because after 30 seconds they forget what happened.
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