An ideal man doesn't drink, doesn't snore, doesn't watch football, doesn't argue and DOESNT'T EXIST.
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Funny Lists: Eight ways to say "Your Fly Is Open"
1. The cucumber has left the salad.
2. You've got Windows in your laptop.
3. You need to bring your tray table to the upright and locked position.
4. Your pod bay door is open, Hal.
5. The Buick is not all the way in the garage.
6. Sailor Ned is trying to take a little shore leave.
7. You've got a security breach at Los Pantalones.
8. Mini Me is making a break for the escape pod.
Why It Sucks to Be an Egg...
You only get laid once, you only get hard once, and when you DO finally get hard, it takes under three minutes and you're already in hot water.
Q: Why are gays so happy?
A: Becuase the luck does not have the courage turning back to them.
Chuck Norris can strum your pain with his fingers, tell your whole life with his words – but mainly just kill you softly with his song.
Vote:
The Highlander movie was actually based on Chuck Norris's life.
There can be only one.
Vote:
Husband: Shall we try a new positon tonight?
Wife: Sure. You stand by the ironing board, and I'll sit on the couch while drinking beer and farting.
I did so much crack, one day I broke in my own house.
I ain't lying.
I was halfway out the door with the TV before I realized it was my place.
And before I broke in, I used to stand outside and case the joint.
Finally, I said, "Damn, this brother will never come home!"
Kanye West compared himself to Michelangelo, Picasso, Walt Disney and Steve Jobs.
Apparently none of them could sing, either.
"I'm sorry" and "I apologize" mean the same thing.
Except at a funeral.