Joke #5146

What's small, and red, and full of holes? A baby on a bed of nails.

A man took a poop in a gas station and then realized there was no toilet paper. There was a hole in the wall and a sign above it that read: "When you go to the bathroom, wipe yourself with your index finger, stick it through this hole and it will be thoroughly cleaned." The man did exactly what the sign said, but when he stuck his finger through the hole, someone at the other side slapped two bricks together against his finger and because of the pain he stuck his finger in his mouth and started to suck on it.

Q: What is the difference between an oral and rectal thermometer? A: The taste

What does the cannibal do just after he dumped his girlfriend? Wiped his ass.

An old man and a young man work together in an office. The old man always has a jar of peanuts on his desk, and the young man really loves peanuts. One day, while the old man is away from his desk, the young man yields to temptation and scarfs down over half of the contents of the jar. When the old man returns, the young man feels guilty and confesses to his crime. "Don't worry, son. I never eat the peanuts anyway," the old man replies. "Since I lost my teeth, all I can do is gum chocolate off the M&M's."

"If we don't change the direction we're going, we're likely to end up at the wrong end." "People who go out of their way to help others have great taste." "An eye for an eye leaves everybody blind, but not hungry." "Don't give up though the pace seems slow, you may succeed at another morgue." "A journey of a hundred trillion cells begins with a single nibble." "The only difference between a big shot and a little shot is that the big shot takes longer to chew." "It's all right to have little butterflies in your stomach. In fact, I'd say a trip to the elementary school play is a wonderful idea." "You don't know what your appetite can get away with until you try. Or are tried." "If you carry your childhood with you, you should probably go the bathroom soon." "Never keep up with Joneses. Have them over for dinner." "Let your hook always be cast. In the pool where you least expect it, will be a very startled swimmer."

Q: Whats the height of desperation? A: A vampire sucking blood from a sanitary napkin.

When is the best time to bury that baby you killed? When it starts talking to you again.

What do you call an incestuous nephew? An aunt-eater.

What do you get when you cross Billy Ray Cyrus with a yeast infection? An itchy, twitchy twat!

Q: How do you know that a dead body found by the side of the road is a nurse? A: Because its stomach is empty, its bladder is full, and its ass chewed!