Two goldfish are in a tank.
One said to the other: "Do you know how to drive this thing?"
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Fear of spiders is aracnaphobia, fear of tight spaces is chlaustraphobia, fear of Chuck Norris is called Logic
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A passenger train is creeping along, slowly.
Finally it creaks to a halt.
A passenger sees a conductor walking by outside.
"What's going on?" she yells out the window.
"Cow on the track!" replies the conductor.
Ten minutes later, the train resumes its slow pace.
Within five minutes, however, it stops again.
The woman sees the same conductor walk again.
She leans out the window and yells, "What happened? Did we catch up with the cow again?"
Q: What did the egg say to the boiling water?
A: It'll take a while before I get hard again, I just got laid by a chick.
What do you call a rabbit who works in a bakery?
A yeaster bunny.
Why don't whales eat sushi very often?
Of course whales like sushi.
It's just those itty-bitty chop sticks that keep getting stuck in their teeth.
A teacher was giving a lesson and was telling the pupils that we came from Adam and Eve.
A hand went up and the kid said, "But my dad told me that we come from apes, Miss?"
Miss replied, "Stay out of this one, Leroy!"
How did the instructor try to make horse riding enjoyable?
He tried to stirrup some interest!
How many tickles does it take to make a squid laugh?
Ten-tickles.
A dog with three legs walks into a Wild West bar and says, ‘I’m looking for the man who shot my paw.’