Two goldfish are in a tank.
One said to the other: "Do you know how to drive this thing?"
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Q: Why can't you hear a pterodactyl going to the bathroom?
A: Becuase the "P" is silent.
How do you lead a horse to water?
With lots of carrots.
Curiosity didn't kill the cat.
Chuck Norris did.
Vote:
A worm gets out from cherry compote and, after he stretches a little, says satisfied:
I love sauna!
Q: Why is a blonde like a turtle?
A: They both get fucked up when they're on their backs.
Two old men, Abe and Sol, sit on a park bench feeding pigeons and talking about baseball.
Abe turns to Sol and asks, "Do you think there's baseball in Heaven?"
Sol thinks about it for a minute and replies, "I dunno.
But let's make a deal -- if I die first, I'll come back and tell you if there's baseball in Heaven, and if you die first, you do the same."
They shake on it and sadly, a few months later, poor Abe passes on.
Soon afterward, Sol sits in the park feeding the pigeons by himself and hears a voice whisper, "Sol... Sol... ."
Sol responds, "Abe! Is that you?"
"Yes it is, Sol," whispers Abe's ghost.
Sol, still amazed, asks, "So, is there baseball in Heaven?"
"Well," says Abe, "I've got good news and bad news."
"Gimme the good news first," says Sol.
Abe says, "Well, there is baseball in Heaven."
Sol says, "That's great! What news could be bad enough to ruin that?"
Abe sighs and whispers, "You're pitching on Friday."
Vote:
Q: What is red and black?
A: A sunburnt zebra.
Q: What do you call a cow playing with its self?
A: Beef stroganoff.
What's the difference between an old cat and a baby kitten?
An old cat scratches and bites but a little pussy never hurt anybody!