Joke #7101

What Liberals & Conservatives Generally Do In Certain Situations If a conservative doesn't like guns, he doesn't buy one. If a liberal doesn't like guns, he wants all guns outlawed. If a conservative is a vegetarian, he doesn't` eat meat. If a liberal is a vegetarian, he wants all meat products banned for everyone. If a conservative sees a foreign threat, he thinks about how to defeat his enemy. If a liberal sees a foreign threat, he wonders how to surrender gracefully and still look good. If a conservative reads this, he'll forward it so his friends can have a good laugh. A liberal will delete it because he's "offended".
Vote:
has 60.15 % from 58 votes. More jokes about: life

Similar jokes

See also best jokes rated by other visitors or new jokes.

Patient to doctor: "On the top of your prescription these words are printed: We treat; God Cures. If so, would I give the fee to you or shall I send it to God?" Doctor: "Pay me. I will send it."
Vote:
has 78.55 % from 38 votes. More jokes about: doctor, god, life
Sometimes, during the movie previews, I'll turn to the stranger sitting next to me and whisper, "We should really go see that together."
Vote:
has 59.93 % from 25 votes. More jokes about: life
A zebra has wondered his whole life whether he was a white zebra with black stripes or a black zebra with white stripes. When he dies and goes to heaven he asks God the question "Am I a white zebra with black stripes or a black zebra with white stripes?" God responds, "You are what you are" The zebra goes to his friends and tells them what God had said and that he still doesn't know the answer to his question. One of his friends says, "Well, that means you are a white zebra with black stripes" The zebra asks him why and the friend says, "Because otherwise God would have said 'You is what you is'"
Vote:
has 55.42 % from 94 votes. More jokes about: animal, god, life, racist
Diplomacy is the art of sending someone to hell in the way that they are looking forward to it.
Vote:
has 60.56 % from 19 votes. More jokes about: life
Life is like a box of chocolates: A lot of people can't stand the dark ones.
Vote:
has 64.28 % from 144 votes. More jokes about: food, life, racist
During a visit to the mental asylum, a visitor asked the Director what the criterion was which defined whether or not a patient should be institutionalized. “Well,” said the Director, “we fill up a bathtub, then we offer a teaspoon, a teacup and a bucket to the patient and ask him or her to empty the bathtub.” “Oh, I understand,” said the visitor. “A normal person would use the bucket because it’s bigger than the spoon or the teacup. “No.” said the Director, “A normal person would pull the plug.” "Do you want a room with or without a view?"
Vote:
has 82.56 % from 70 votes. More jokes about: doctor, life
My son asked me today, "Dad, what music did you like growing up?" "Led Zeppelin," I replied. "Who?" he said. "Yeah, I liked them too."
Vote:
has 58.06 % from 63 votes. More jokes about: dad, life
If you see me smiling, I'm probably thinking of doing something evil. If I'm laughing, I've already done it.
Vote:
has 80.44 % from 42 votes. More jokes about: life, mean
Q: Why do Republicans avoid living on the West Coast? A: They're scared to live that close to the edge of the Earth.
Vote:
has 63.68 % from 80 votes. More jokes about: geography, life, republican
A wife was making a breakfast of fried eggs for her husband. Suddenly, her husband burst into the kitchen. "Careful," he said, "CAREFUL! Put in some more butter! Oh my gosh! You're cooking too many at once. TOO MANY! Turn them! TURN THEM NOW! We need more butter. Oh my gosh! WHERE are we going to get MORE BUTTER? They're going to STICK! Careful. CAREFUL! I said be CAREFUL! You NEVER listen to me when you're cooking! Never! Turn them! Hurry up! Are you CRAZY? Have you LOST your mind? Don't forget to salt them. You know you always forget to salt them. Use the! Salt. USE THE SALT! THE SALT!" The wife stared at him. "What in the world is wrong with you?You think I don't know how to fry a couple of eggs?" The husband calmly replied, "I just wanted to show you what it feels like when I'm driving."
Vote:
has 85.22 % from 663 votes. More jokes about: life