Joke #7101

What Liberals & Conservatives Generally Do In Certain Situations If a conservative doesn't like guns, he doesn't buy one. If a liberal doesn't like guns, he wants all guns outlawed. If a conservative is a vegetarian, he doesn't` eat meat. If a liberal is a vegetarian, he wants all meat products banned for everyone. If a conservative sees a foreign threat, he thinks about how to defeat his enemy. If a liberal sees a foreign threat, he wonders how to surrender gracefully and still look good. If a conservative reads this, he'll forward it so his friends can have a good laugh. A liberal will delete it because he's "offended".

Life may not be worth living, but what else can you do with it?

Do you know the joke of "no me neither"? No. Me neither.

A tourist was watching an Indigenous man sending smoke signals. Everything around him was primitive, except of a latest model fire extinguisher. "What's the fire extinguisher for?" the tourist wondered. "It's for erasing the misspellings!"

3 things which change women: 1) I love U 2) I liquidated to your account 3) U have lost weight The last one had been some fatalities!

Hillary Clinton gets elected President and is spending her first night in the White House. She has waited so long… The ghost of George Washington appears, and Hillary says, "How can I best serve my country?" Washington says, "Never tell a lie." "Ouch!" Says Hillary, "I don’t know about that." The next night, the ghost of Thomas Jefferson appears… Hillary says, "How can I best serve my country?" Jefferson says, "Listen to the people." "Oh! I really don’t want to do that." On the third night, the ghost of Abe Lincoln appears… Hillary says, "How can I best serve my country?" Lincoln says, "Go to the theater."

Once upon a time the government had a vast scrap yard in the middle of a desert. Congress said someone may steal from it at night; so they created a night watchman, GS-4 position and hired a person for the job. Then Congress said, "How does the watchman do his job without instruction?" So they created a planning position and hired two people, one person to write the instructions, GS-12 and one person to do time studies, GS-1. Then Congress said, "How will we know the night watchman is doing the tasks correctly?" So they created a Q. C. position and hired two people, one GS-9 to do the studies and one GS-11 to write the reports. Then Congress said, "How are these people going to get paid?" So they created the following positions, a time keeper, GS-09, and a payroll officer, GS-11, and hired two people. Then Congress said, "Who will be accountable for all of these people?" So they created an administrative position and hired three people, an Admin. Officer GM-13, Assistant Admin. Officer GS-12, and a Legal Secretary GS-08. Then Congress said, "We have had this command in operation for one year and we are $280,000 over budget, we must cutback overall cost." So they laid off the night watchman.

Too stupid to understand science? Try religion!

A government is doing really bad and is very likely to lose the election. So they gather the cabinet to deal with the situation. "Guys we do not go well, we will lose power, we will lose everything. We need to do something" the prime minister said. A minister pops up and says: "We will redecorate! We will change desks, chairs, sofas, floors, curtains, everything will be changed." The others also agree and start to make plans. So sometime later, the maid comes inside, and she sees them so upset all working hard making plans, and says: "What about you guys, What is going on?" "We do not go well as government and we are changing the decoration" they reply. The maid shrugs tentatively. "Why do you react like that?" "What can I tell you guys" she answers. "Before I came here for work, I used to work in a brothel. And when business didn’t go well, we did not change the furniture, but the hookers."

You know what I was thinking about right now? What it would be like to have six fingers....high fives would be different.

Before I criticize a man, I like to walk a mile in his shoes. That way, when I do criticize him, I'm a mile away and I have his shoes.