Three flies in a trashcan get trapped overnight in a bathroom. The first fly goes to the sink, the second fly stays in the tub, and the third fly chooses the toilet. The next morning, all the exhausted flies gather back in the garbage can. The first fly says, "I'm exhausted! I almost got washed down the drain." The second fly says, "I almost got squashed by feet in the shower!" The third fly says, "The toilet was fine until it suddenly got dark. First, I heard thunder, then it started to rain, and if it weren't for that big brown log, I surely would have drowned."
A woman walks into a restaurant and sits down. As she bends down to reach into her purse for her wallet, she farts loudly with the waiter right behind her. She sits abruptly back up, glares at the waiter and shouts “Stop that!” To which the waiter replies, “Sure, which way did it go?”
Two hunters are stalking through the forest when one says to the other that he has to take a dump. "Well, go in the bushes." "What should I use to wipe my ass?" "Use a dollar bill." A few minutes later the hunter steps out of the bushes with s**t all over his hands. "What happened?" asks his friend. "I didn't have a dollar bill, so I used four quarters."
At a rally John McCain was asked if he wore boxers or briefs. He replied, "Depends."
What do you get when you cross Billy Ray Cyrus with a yeast infection? An itchy, twitchy twat!
What's the difference between a baby and a grandmother? Grandmothers don't die when you fuck them up the ass.
Guy takes his wife to the Doctor... The Doc says, "Well, it's either Alzheimers disease or AIDS." "What do you mean?" The guy says, "You can't tell the difference?" "Yeah, the two look a lot alike in the early stages... Tell you what.. Drive her way out into the country, kick her out of the car, and if she finds her way back, don't fuck her."
What is the difference between a fridge and a kid? A fridge doesn't shout when you put your meat inside it.
What’s funnier than a dead baby? A dead baby in a clown costume!
Say, "Do I smell popcorn?" right after you fart. So everybody takes a big whiff.
How can you tell if a porno was made in the 70's? The guys' schlongs have sideburns!