Q: What's the difference between a brown-noser and a sh*thead? A: Depth perception.
A redneck boy runs into his house and proclaims, "I've found the girl that I'm gonna marry! And she's a virgin!" Incensed, his father pounds his fist on the table. "There's no way you'll marry that girl! If she aint' good enough for her own family, she ain't good enough for ours."
What went through the fly's mind as he hit the windshield? His Butt!
What do you get when you eat a prune pizza? Pizzeria!
Q: What did one butt cheek say to the other? A: Together, we can stop this sh*t.
I've accepted every email offer I've ever received. My penis is now 235 feet long.
What’s the difference between a dead baby and an onion. You don’t cry when you chop up a dead baby.
Q. What do you call two lesbians with their period? A. Finger painting.
A guy gets out of the V.D. Hospital and decides to a hire a hooker, since he's been without for so long. Before long, he brings one home, and they have sex four times. After it's over, he turns to her and tells her he hasn't had sex in four months because of being in the V.D. Hospital. "How's the food there?" asks the hooker. "Because I'm going in there tomorrow!"
Q: How do you get a zombie baby into a bowl? A: A blender. Q: How do you get them out? A: Doritos.
Q: Why are men like diapers? A: They are always on your ass and full of sh*t, and thankfully, they're disposable.