Q: What's the difference between a brown-noser and a sh*thead?
A: Depth perception.
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Similar jokes
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Q: What did the butcher say when he backed into the meat-grinder?
A: Looks like I'm getting a little behind in my work!
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What does Michael Jackson call a Tickle-Me-Elmo doll?
Bait!
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Did you hear about the midget that went into the whorehouse?
He got a twat in the face.
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One day, a man was fishing on a dock across from a hotel in the country, when another man came and sat down.
By way of conversation, the man asked the other what he was doing there.
"I'm on a honeymoon."
"Oh. Shouldn't you be having sex with your wife?"
"Well, I would be. But she has a yeast infection."
"What about oral sex?"
"Gingivitis."
"Anal sex?"
"Diarrhea."
"Pardon my question, but why are you with her?"
"Well, I like fishing. And she's got worms."
Little Johnny comes home one day and says, "Mom! Little Mark next door has a penis like a peanut!"
"What do you mean, Johnny? Is it shaped like a peanut?"
"No," says Johnny. "It's salty."
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Two flies sit on a pile of poop.
One fly passes gas.
The other fly looks at him and says, "Hey do you mind? I'm eating here."
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If I wanted some comeback, I'd wipe it off your chin!
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A vacuum salesman goes door-to-door in a new neighborhood.
When a woman answers the door at the first house, the salesman walks right in and drops cow patties on her floor.
He says, "Ma'am, just to show you how confident I am in the quality of my vacuums, I'll eat whatever the vacuum doesn't pick up."
The woman smiles and asks, "Could I get you some ketchup with that?"
The salesman scoffs confidently and says, "I assure you my vacuums have more power than any other on the market today!"
The woman replies, "Well, that may be so, but we just moved in and the electricity isn't turned on yet."
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Q: Why do farts smell?
A: So deaf people can enjoy them, too.
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A pollock walks into a pharmacy and asks the pharmacist if he sells condoms.
We have some for 75 cents a peace.
The man asks for two.
The pharmacist calculates the total and says, "That will be $1.58 with tax, sir."
The pollock says, "Oh, these come with tacks? I was wondering how you keep them on."
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