Q: What's the difference between a brown-noser and a sh*thead? A: Depth perception.
Two flies sit on a pile of poop. One fly passes gas. The other fly looks at him and says, "Hey do you mind? I'm eating here."
Q: What do you call a Shih-Tzu mixed with a poodle? A: A Shih-Tzpoo.
A guy is going down on a prostitute. During the process he pulls out a piece of corn. Mildly disgusted, he tries to forget about it and continues. Then he finds a chunk of carrot and a pea, and he says, "I think I am going to be sick." The whore looks up and says, "That's what the last guy said!"
Q: What's a good holiday tip? A: Never catch snowflakes with your tongue until all the birds have gone south for the winter.
What is the differance between a dead baby and a VHS tape? The VHS tape don't stink when you leave it out in the sun.
What do you call a man with no arms and no legs in the water? Bob. On the wall? Art. On the floor? Matt.
Q: What's the difference between your wife and your job? A: After 10 years the job still sucks.
A pianist was hired to play background music for a movie. When it was completed he asked when and where he could see the picture. The producer sheepishly confessed that it was actually a porn film and it was due out in a month. A month later, the musician went to a porn theatre to see the adult movie. With his collar up and dark glasses on, he took a seat in the back row of the adult cinema, next to a couple who also seemed to be in disguise. The movie was even raunchier than he had feared, featuring group sex, S/M, bondage and even a dog. After a while watching the adult movie, the embarrassed pianist turned to the couple and said, "I'm only here to listen to the music." "Yeah?" replied the man. "We're only here to see our dog."
What is special about a dead baby over all other forms of life? You can achieve deep throat from whichever way you enter.
Q: What did the butcher say when he backed into the meat-grinder? A: Looks like I'm getting a little behind in my work!