Q: Did you hear about the leper poker game?
A: One guy threw in his hand and the other three laughed their heads off.
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A man visits his aunt in the nursing home.
It turns out that she is taking a nap, so he just sits down in a chair in her room, flips through a few magazines, and munches on some peanuts sitting in a bowl on the table.
Eventually, the aunt wakes up, and her nephew realizes he’s absentmindedly finished the entire bowl of peanuts.
"I’m so sorry, auntie, I’ve eaten all of your peanuts!"
"That’s okay, dearie," the aunt replied. "After I’ve sucked the chocolate off, I don’t care for them anyway."
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15 years ago I started a burping contest with Chuck Norris... who had the longest?
I don't know he is still busy.
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Stores accept Monopoly money from Chuck Norris.
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Q: What would Princess Diana be doing if she were alive today?
A: Clawing at the lid of her coffin.
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When Chuck Norris plays sudoku, he can put two same numbers in one square and still solve it right.
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How do you know if a blonde has been playing with your Xbox 360?
The joystick is wet.
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Chuck Norris can solve the Towers of Hanoi in one move.
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Chuck Norris can win a game of Connect Four in only three moves.
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A fellow always wanted to own a pet skunk, so in the dead of winter, he took his girlfriend with him to go hunting for one.
After a bit of waiting, they bagged a skunk and brought him back to the truck.
The skunk was very scared and very cold, so the guy asks his girlfriend if she can keep the skunk between her legs to keep him warm.
"But what about the smell?" asks his girlfriend.
"Oh, he'll get used to it, just like I did."
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Chuck Norris can get a Black-Jack with one card.
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