Little Red Riding Hood went to her grandma's house and found her laying in bed.
Little Red Riding Hood said, "Grandma, what big eyes you have!"
Grandma: "The better to see you with, my dear."
Little Red Riding Hood: "Grandma, what big ears you have!"
Grandma: "The better to hear you with, my dear."
Little Red Riding Hood: "Grandma, what a big mouth you have!"
Grandma: "Of course I do, have you seen Grandpa's d**k?!"
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Similar jokes
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Little Johnny comes home one day and says, "Mom! Little Mark next door has a penis like a peanut!"
"What do you mean, Johnny? Is it shaped like a peanut?"
"No," says Johnny. "It's salty."
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What's green and yellow and eats nuts?
Gonorrhea.
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How does herpes leave the hospital?
On crotches.
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Q: How do you know you're in a vampire bar?
A: There's a string hanging out of your Bloody Mary.
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Q: How can you tell if you're in a gay church?
A: Only half the congregation is kneeling.
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Two doctors opened an office in a small town.
They put up a sign reading: "Dr Smith and Dr Jones, Psychiatry and Proctology."
The town council was not too happy with the sign, so the doctors changed it to: "Hysterias and Posteriors."
This was not acceptable either, so in an effort to satisfy the council, they changed the sign to: "Schizoids and Hemorrhoids."
No go! Next they tried "Catatonics and Colonics" Thumbs down again.
Then came, "Manic-Depressives and Anal-Retentives."
But is was still not good! So they tried:
"Minds and Behinds"
"Analysis and Anal Cysts"
"Nuts and Butts"
"Freaks and Cheeks"
"Loons and Moons"
"Lost Souls and Ass Holes"
None worked.
Almost at their wits' end, the doctors finally came up with a title they thought might be accepted by the council:
"Dr Smith and Dr Jones, Odds and Ends."
APPROVED!
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A man farts in bed next to his wife.
His wife asks, "What in the world was that?"
He replies, "Touchdown. I'm winning, seven nothing."
She decides to get even, so she lets one loose.
He yells at her, "What was that?"
She replies, "Touchdown, tie score."
He wants to get her back, but he tries so hard he sh*ts in bed.
The wife asks, "Now what in the world was that?"
He replies, "Halftime, switch sides."
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Q: Did you hear about the depressed proctologist?
A: He's been feeling down in the dumps.
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Yo Mama so hairy, when she shaved her legs, your dad thought she got a new carpet.
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A little boy and a little girl were taking a bath.
The little girl looked down and said, "What's that?"
"That's my little red sports car," said the little boy.
The little boy looked down and said, "What's that?"
"That's my little red sports car garage," said the little girl.
A few seconds later the little girl said, "How about you put your little red sports car in my little red sports car garage?"
"Sure," said the little boy.
The little boy's mother was down stairs and heard this blood curdling scream.
She ran upstairs.
Once she got there she saw blood all over the bathtub.
"What happened?!" she said.
"Well, Johnny tried to put his little red sports car in my little red sports car garage...but it didn't fit...so I cut the back wheels off..."
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