Joke #7505

What's the difference between a gay man and a refrigerator? When you take sausage out of the fridge it doesn't fart.

Q: How do you know when there is a snowman in your bed? A: You wake up wet!

A nice respectable lady with a savory smell of perfume got on the bus and took a seat beside me. After some moments I dared to ask her: "Excuse me lady do you mind me please to ask you what is the name of this perfume and where did you buy it from? I want to buy one for my wife." The lady responded: "It is Chanel and from Paris." After about ten minutes later I felt a strong wind in my belly so I slowly blew it out. Some seconds later she broke and said: "Offf... what is this smell my God"? I said: "Gar lic and from Gilroy city in California."

A couple goes to Mexico City on vacation and eats at a famous local restaurant. The waiter tells them they have a delicious special every Sunday, so the couple orders the special. With great fanfare, the waiter brings out a large silver serving platter with two huge steaming rounds of meat, juices dripping. It smells delicious and tastes even better. The couple is delighted with their meal, and the husband asks the waiter what fabulous meat was in the dish. "Senor," he explains, "each Saturday night, we have the bullfights, and that was the bull's balls you ate." The couple is a bit taken aback by what they have just eaten, but it was delicious, so they get over it. Six months later, the couple returns to Mexico City and decides to go to the same restaurant. Feeling adventuresome, they order the same dish. Once again, with great fanfare, the waiter brings out the huge silver serving dish and places it on the table. But this time, there are two tiny pieces of meat, barely enough for one. The man says, "Excuse me, but the last time we were here and ordered this dish, it was huge, more than enough for two. Why is this portion so small?" The waiter smiles and replies, "Well, you see, senor, sometimes the bull wins!"

3 bums were outside a bar. The first one went in and asked for a fork. The second one went in and also asked for a fork. Then the third one went in and wanted a straw. At this point, the bartender became curious. "How come all your friends want forks and you want a straw?" "Well," the bum said, "the dog threw up and the chunks are all gone."

My mother in law's farts are so horrible that I can rent her to governments for using instead of chemical weapons for destroying their enemies!

What's worse than 11 dead babies stapled to a tree? 1 dead baby stapled to 11 trees.

Q: Who is brave? A: He who has diarrhea and wants to fart!

A man joins the navy and is shipped out immediately to an aircraft carrier in the middle of the Pacific Ocean. The captain is showing the new recruit around the ship, when the recruit asks the captain what the sailors do to satisfy their urges when they're at sea for so long. "Let me show you," says the captain. He takes the recruit down to the rear of the ship where there's a solitary barrel with a hole in it. "This'll be the best sex you'll ever have. Go ahead and try it, and I'll give you some privacy." The recruit doesn't quite believe it, but he decides to try it anyway. After he finishes up, the captain returns. "Wow! That was the best sex I've ever had! I want to do it every day!" "Fine. You can do it every day except for Thursday." "Why not Thursday?" "That's your day in the barrel."

This stupid bug is appearing on a blasted line which would blow up the toilet. Then they go like "Tom tom tom tom" then back to the toilet and stupidly disgusted by a recently married woman and erecting a man in a toilet.

Two brothers, Bob and Tom, both work for a lumberyard. One day, Bob tells Tom that he can tell what any piece of wood is just by smelling it. Unbelieving, Tom blindfolds Bob and proceeds to test the theory. The first piece of wood Bob smells, he instantly identifies as maple. The second piece Bob instantly identifies as walnut. Tom cannot believe Bob can really do this, so he takes an old piece of wood and whispers to the secretary to rub the wood between her legs. She happily runs it up in her crotch. Tom hands the piece of wood to Bob. Bob smells it three times. "I am stumped. But I would have to guess that this wood is either a pussywillow or a shingle from a shithouse."