What's the difference between a gay man and a refrigerator? When you take sausage out of the fridge it doesn't fart.
Q: Did you hear about the new movie "Constipation?" A: It hasn't come out yet.
Q: What's the difference between driving in the fog and eating pussy? A: At least when you are eating pussy you can see the asshole in front of you.
Q: What do you call a Puerto Rican midget? A: A spec.
To the tune of "Walking in a Winter Wonderland": Dog tags ring, are you listening'? In the lane, snow is glistening. It's yellow, not white I've been there tonight, Marking up my winter wonderland. Smell that tree? That's my fragrance. It's a sign for wandering vagrants; "Avoid where I pee, it's my property. Marked up as my winter wonderland." In the meadow dad will build a snowman, following the classical design. Then I'll lift my leg and let it go, man, So all the world will know it's mine-mine-mine! Straight from me to the fence post, flows my natural incense boast, "Stay off of my turf, this small piece of earth, I mark it as my winter wonderland."
I got home to see my two months pregnant wife crouched in the bathroom crying. Her red, smudged eyes looked at me as she told me she'd lost the baby. I told the silly thing not to be so upset, I could clearly see it in the toilet.
Q: What's brown and in the military? A: Gomer's pile.
A hitchhiker walks down the road. Unfortunately, he has the runs and has to stop every 15 minutes. A truck driver stops and offers a ride, but warns him that he won't stop for anything. About 10 minutes on the road, the hitchhiker begs the truck driver to stop, and the driver tells him, "Stick your butt out the window if you have to go so bad." The hitchhiker sticks his butt out the window and lets loose. Unfortunately, he doesn't notice the two guys walking on the roadside. Sprayed with feces, the first guy wipes his face and says, "What are them truckers chewing these days?" The second guy wipes his face and says, "I don't know, but did you see the lips on that guy?"
Take a squirt gun into the rest room stall next to someone and shoot little drops over the wall every couple of seconds while pretending to pee.
Cannibal Son: Mom, I don't like my brother anymore. Cannibal Mother: You shut up and eat!
What do you if you're trapped inside a whale? Run round and round till you're all pooped out!