Why do you unload a truck full of babies with a pitchfork?
So you can tell which ones are still alive.
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A man cheats on his girlfriend Lorraine with a woman named Clearly.
Lorraine dies suddenly.
At the funeral, the man stands up and sings, "I can see Clearly now, Lorraine is gone."
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A Liberal died and a friend went around collecting for a fund for his funeral.
A woman was asked to donate ten dollars.
"Ten dollars?" she said.
"It only takes ten dollars to bury a Liberal? Here's a hundred - go bury 10 of them!"
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Girl: "Do you believe in puppy love?"
Boy: "I tried it once, but their assholes are too small."
Two clones are on a roof.
One clone pushes the other clone off.
The next day the police arrest him for making an obscene clone fall.
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Q: How do you fit 60,000 Jews in a minivan?
A: With a dustpan.
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How the children from Chernobil count from one to hundred?
On the fingers!
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I just ended a long-term relationship today.
I'm not too bothered, it wasn't mine.
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What sits in the kitchen and keeps getting smaller and smaller?
A baby combing it's hair with a potato peeler!
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The judge asks the murderer:
Why did you kill that old lady?
For money..
But you got only 20 cents
Yes, but killing five of them would already make a dollar.
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What's brown and gurgles?
A baby in a casserole.
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