Joke #8519

Q: What did the sergeant tomato say to the slacker soldier tomato? A: "You better catch up!"
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Me: "I'm finally happy!" Life: "Lol, wait a sec."
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"Knock Knock?" "Who's there?" "Europe." "Europe who?" "No you're a poo."
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Q: What's the distinction between getting a divorce and getting circumcised? A: When you get a divorce, you dispose of the entire prick.
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That awkward moment when you're about to hug someone sexy as hell and then you hit the mirror.
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Priest: Kim, do you take Kanye to be your lawfully wedded husband to love and cherish? Kim: I.. *Kanye grabs mic* Kanye: She do.
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What do you call it when Miley Cyrus falls down? Hoe-Down.
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Cartoonist found dead in home. Details are sketchy.
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Where do homeless accountants live? In a tax shelter.
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Boy asks his Gran nervously, "have you seen my pills ... they were labeled LSD ?" Gran replies "fuck your pills ! Have you seen the dragon in the kitchen ?!"
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A doctor had been attending a rich old man for some time, but it became apparent that the old chap had not long to live. Accordingly, the doctor advised his wealthy patient to put his affairs in order. "Oh yes, I've done that," said the old gentleman. "I've only got to make a will. And do you know what I'm going to do with all my money? I'm going to leave it to the doctor who saves my life."
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