Joke #3979

Life’s a bitch, and then you’re reincarnated.
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has 46.70 % from 20 votes. More jokes about: life

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Two hunters were dragging their dead deer back to their car. Another hunter approached pulling his along too. "Hey, I don’t want to tell you how to do something… but I can tell you that it’s much easier if you drag the deer in the other direction. Then the antlers won’t dig into the ground." After the third hunter left, the two decided to try it. A little while later one hunter said to the other, "You know, that guy was right. This is a lot easier!" "Yeah, but we’re getting farther from the truck," the other added.
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has 68.01 % from 44 votes. More jokes about: animal, death, hunting, life
Q: What is the difference between a pregnant woman and a light bulb? A: You can unscrew a light bulb.
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has 82.51 % from 112 votes. More jokes about: life, light bulb, women
Doctor (to a patient): "You must take four tea-spoonfuls of this medicine before every meal." Patient: "Doctor, we’ve only 3 spoons at home."
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has 70.01 % from 17 votes. More jokes about: doctor, food, life
Two campers are hiking in the woods when one is bitten on the rear end by a rattlesnake. "I’ll go into town for a doctor," the other says. He runs ten miles to a small town and finds the town’s only doctor, who is delivering a baby. "I can’t leave," the doctor says. But here’s what to do. Take a knife, cut a little X where the bite is, suck out the poison and spit it on the ground." The guy ruins back to his friend, who is in agony. ‘What did the doctor say?" the victim asks. "He says you’re gonna die."
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has 70.02 % from 39 votes. More jokes about: life
Patient: "Doctor, I feel there are two of me." Doctor: "Very well, I shall see you, one at a time."
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has 59.19 % from 15 votes. More jokes about: doctor, life
Now I lay me down to sleep, I pray this cushy life to keep. I pray for toys that look like mice, And sofa cushions, soft and nice. I pray for gourmet kitty snacks, And someone nice to scratch my back, For windowsills all warm and bright, For shadows to explore at night. I pray I'll always stay real cool And keep the secret feline rule To never tell a human that The world is really ruled by cats!
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has 67.38 % from 182 votes. More jokes about: cat, food, kitty, life, poems
Who was the fastest runner? Adam. He was first in the human race.
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has 78.12 % from 72 votes. More jokes about: athlete, life
Two guys narrowly escaped from a sinking ship on a life raft and discovered a magic lamp tucked away in a dark cranny. Figuring what the hell, one of the men gave the lamp a rub and "poof," a cloud of smoke. A second later, a genie appeared and said, "I will grant each of you one wish." After thinking a while, the first man turned to the genie and said, "I wish I were floating on an ocean of beer." The genie granted the man's wish and disappeared. The man's companion turned to him and said, "Way to go idiot. Now we have to pee in the boat."
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has 51.61 % from 25 votes. More jokes about: beer, disgusting, genie, life
The best way to make somebody remember you is to borrow money from them.
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has 85.06 % from 148 votes. More jokes about: life
How did Nicki Minaj know what Lil Wayne is giving her for Christmas? Lil Wayne isn't very good at wrapping.
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has 59.80 % from 28 votes. More jokes about: celebrity, Christmas, life, music