Joke #8590

If you catch a man…throw him back.

My Dearest Susan, Sweetie of my heart. I’ve been so desolate ever since I broke off our engagement. Simply devastated. Won’t you please consider coming back to me? You hold a place in my heart no other woman can fill. I can never marry another woman quite like you. I need you so much. Won’t you forgive me and let us make a new beginning? I love you so. Yours always and truly, John P.S. Congratulations on you winning the state lottery.

"What is a man's idea of a balanced diet?" "A Budweiser in each hand!"

Women will never be equal to men until they can walk down the street with a bald head and a beer gut, and still think they are beautiful.

I went to the doctors the other day and I said, 'Have you got anything for wind?' So he gave me a kite.

Why are men like blenders? You need one, but you're not quite sure why.

If women knew what men were really thinking, they'd never stop slapping them.

What does it mean when a man is in your bed gasping for breath and calling your name? You didn't hold the pillow down long enough.

Why do men like love at first sight? It saves them a lot of time.

This stupid bug is appearing on a blasted line which would blow up the toilet. Then they go like "Tom tom tom tom" then back to the toilet and stupidly disgusted by a recently married woman and erecting a man in a toilet.

Men are like Bluetooth. When they’re close they’re connected, when they move further they start looking for new equipment.