If you catch a man…throw him back.
Why did God create man? Because a vibrator can't mow the lawn.
Men are like guns. Keep one around long enough and your going to want to shoot it.
Bob saw his doctor and asked if he had ever laughed at a patient. "In over 20 years I haven't because I try to remain professional." With that Bob dropped his trousers revealing the tiniest dick the doctor had ever seen. It wasn't any bigger than a AAA battery. The doctor burst into uncontrolable hysteria. "I'm sorry I really am, I don't know what came over me, I promise it won't happen again. Now what seems to be the problem?" "It's swollen" said Bob.
Q. Why were men given larger brains than dogs? A. So they wouldn't hump women's legs at cocktail parties.
Stupid? He wanted to be a farmer. So he studied pharmacy.
Q: Why is it jewish men won't go down on a woman? A: Too close to the gas chamber.
I just had an argument with a girl I know. She was saying how that it's unfair that if a guy fucks a different girl every week, he's a legend, but if a girl fucks just two guys in a year, she's a slut. So in response, I told her that if a key opens lots of locks, then it's a master key. But if a lock is opened by lots of keys, then it's a shitty lock. That shut her up.
How many men would it take to mop a floor? No one knows; they've never done it.
Why do men like smart women? Opposites attract.
Why are men like laxatives? They can irritate the s**t out of you.