Joke #8590

If you catch a man…throw him back.
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There's 3 army generals and the government decides to pay them any way they want measured. First guy says measure from the tip of my toe to the end of my finger. So they do and its 73 inches so they pay him $730,000. The second guy does the same and gets paid $650,000. The third guy goes measure from the tip of my penis to the back of my balls. They say OK drop your pants, so he does and they measure. "You have no balls" they say. "Yes I do," he replies, "they're still in Vietnam.
Vote: has 70.40 % from 22 votes. Send joke:

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How many men does it take to change a roll of toilet paper? Who knows? - It hasn't happened yet!!
Vote: has 39.47 % from 11 votes. Send joke:

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Why are all jokes about women one-liners? So men can understand them.
Vote: has 54.45 % from 50 votes. Send joke:

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What usually happens when a man puts his best foot forward? It ends up in his mouth.
Vote: has 30.41 % from 9 votes. Send joke:

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A guy has a talking dog. He brings it to a talent scout. "This dog can speak English," he claims to the unimpressed agent. "Okay, Sport," the guys says to the dog, "what’s on the top of a house?" "Roof!" the dog replies. "Oh, come on..." the talent agent responds. "All dogs go ‘roof’." "No, wait," the guy says. He asks the dog "what does sandpaper feel like?" "Rough!" the dog answers. The talent agent gives a condescending blank stare. He is losing his patience. "No, hang on," the guy says. "This one will amaze you. " He turns and asks the dog: "Who, in your opinion, was the greatest baseball player of all time?" "Ruth!" goes the dog. And the talent scout, having seen enough, boots them out of his office onto the street. And the dog turns to the guy and says "Maybe I shoulda said DiMaggio?"
Vote: has 56.86 % from 14 votes. Send joke:

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What's the difference between an intelligent man and a UFO? I don't know, I've never seen either one.
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A young man goes into the Job Centre in Sydney, and sees an ad for a Gynaecologist's Assistant. Interested, he goes to learn more. "Can you give me some more details on this job?" he asks the clerk.  The clerk pulls up the file and says, "The job entails getting the women ready for the gynaecological consult. You have to help them out of their underwear, lay them down, and carefully wash their private regions, then apply shaving foam and gently shave off the hair, then rub in soothing oils so that they're ready for the examination. There's an annual salary of $75,000, but you're going to have to go to Perth - other side of the country."  The man says "Oh is that where the job is?" The clerk says "No sir. That's where the end of the line is right now."
Vote: has 74.94 % from 32 votes. Send joke:

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How do men exercise on the beach? By sucking in their stomachs every time they see a bikini.
Vote: has 50.45 % from 9 votes. Send joke:

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A huge guy walks into a bar, approaches a little guy and karate chops him in the back. When the little guy gets up, the huge guy says, "That was a karate chop from Korea." A little later, the huge guy walks back over to the little guy and karate chops him in the back. The huge guy says, "That was a karate chop from China." The little guy leaves the bar, comes back and hits the huge guy on the back. The huge guy lies unconscious on the floor. The little guy tells the bartender, "Tell him that was a crowbar from Sears."
Vote: has 73.53 % from 25 votes. Send joke:

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Q: What do you get when you cross a penis and a potato? A: A dic-tater.
Vote: has 51.34 % from 12 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: food, men