What's pink and chunky?
A baby with leprosy.
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Latecomer: Am I too late for the bonfire?
Host: No jump up there on the sticks, there is room next to that Guy.
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Q: What do you call the ashes of a white person in a jar?
A: A jar of mayonnaise.
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A magician comes to a seniors' home for entertainment afternoon: "Aaaaand? Is everybody heeere?"
Seniors, enthusiastically, "Yeaaaah!"
Magician, winking, "But not for looooong...!"
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Joke has 66.64 % from 42 votes. More jokes about: black humor, communication, death, old people, vulgar
I have to be honest, I am English myself but some of the American jokes on this site just completely ruin it for me.
I mean, what the shit happened on the ninth of November anyway?
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Two bums are sitting talking.
The first one starts bragging, "Today was the best day ever!
This morning I found a brand new pack of smokes just sitting on the ground.
So you know what I did? I sat and smoked every fucking one of them... had the best day ever."
The second bum just laughs,
"That's nothing, today I was walking along the rail road tracks and I found this girl laying on the tracks.
You know what I did?
I fucked her all day long."
The other bum interrupts, "Bull!
You didn't do it all day long did you?", the other continues, "Well, no but it was for at least a few good hours, best day of my life."
The first bums asks, "So did she give you a good blowjob?"
The other replies no.
"How could you possibly be getting busy with this girl for hours, and she doesn't even give you a blow job?"
To which the other replies, "How could she? She didn't have a head!"
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Q: What does your Mama and a slinky have in common?
A: They aren't much to look at but you can't help cracking a smile when you see it tumbling down the stairs.
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First cannibal: "Come and have dinner in our but tonight."
Second cannibal: "What are you having?"
First cannibal: "Hard-boiled legs."
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After a long labour, a doctor approaches the new mother and says, "Ma'am, I've got some good news, and some bad news. What would you like?"
After quickly thinking it over, she responds, "I'll have the bad news first doctor".
The doctor replies, "We'll, I'm not sure how to put this, and I'm sorry to have to tell you, your child has red hair".
Relieved, a smile spreads across the mother face. "Doctor, if that's the bad news, what's the good news".
The doctor replies, "He's dead".
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Why are test tube babies the most beautiful ones?
Because they're hand made.
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"I'm going to ask for your daughter's hand in marriage. But it is just a formality."
"Who told you that?"
"Gynecologist."
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