What's pink and chunky? A baby with leprosy.
Want to hear a clean joke? The boy took a bath with bubbles. Want to hear a dirty joke? Bubbles was a man.
A magician comes to a seniors' home for entertainment afternoon: "Aaaaand? Is everybody heeere?" Seniors, enthusiastically, "Yeaaaah!" Magician, winking, "But not for looooong...!"
First cannibal: "Come and have dinner in our but tonight." Second cannibal: "What are you having?" First cannibal: "Hard-boiled legs."
Always go to other people’s funerals, or they won’t go to yours.
What do you do if an epileptic falls in your pool? Throw in your laundry.
Only nowadays there appeared a possibility to realize yourselfe: sell your liver, kidneis, skeleton...
Q: How do you make a dead baby float? A: One scoop of ice cream and Two scoops of dead baby.
Q: Why did Hitler kill himself? A: He saw his gas bill.
Some people just need a hug… Around the neck… with a rope.
A new soldier was on sentry duty at the main gate. His orders were clear. No car was to enter unless it had a special sticker on the windshield. A big Army car came up with a general seated in the back. The sentry said, "Halt, who goes there?" The chauffeur, a corporal, says, "General Wheeler." "I'm sorry, I can't let you through. You've got to have a sticker on the windshield." The general said, "Drive on!" The sentry said, "Hold it! You really can't come through. I have orders to shoot if you try driving in without a sticker." The general repeated, "I'm telling you, son, drive on!" The sentry walked up to the rear window and said, "General, I'm new at this. Do I shoot you or the driver?"