Joke #8939

One day Daily Mail has a article with title: "One in four cannot read." The next day one another newspaper writes: "Nice to see a newspaper finally acknowledging their audience."

I'm trying to write a joke about overdosing on cocaine. But I need a line to end it.

Girl: What if a boy hugs me? Mom: Say Don't Girl: What if he kisses me? Mom: Say stop. The next day when the girl goes to school her boyfriend hugs and kisses her well so she says as her mother told her to do and she quickly said DON'T STOP!...

There was a guy that was sick he went to the doctor and said "Doctor I have a fever”" The doctor said, "you will have to take 4 spoons of the medicine." The sick one said, "but doctor, I only have 3 spoons what shall I do?"

Terrorists take a group of lawyers hostage. They ask for a ransom of $20 million and threaten to release one lawyer at a time if not given what they ask for.

I never make the same mistake twice. I make it 5-6 times, just to be sure.

A couple was touring the capitol in Washington, DC, and the guide pointed out a tall, benevolent gentleman as the congressional chaplain. The lady asked, "What does the chaplain do? Does he pray for the Senate or House?" The guide answered, "No, he gets up, looks at both houses of Congress, then prays for the country!"

Knock Knock. Who's there? Opportunity. Don't be silly - opportunity doesn't knock twice!

You are so selfish! You're going to have that body the rest of your life and I just want it for one night.

Yo mama's feet are so ashy, it looks like she kicks flour for a living.

Kim and Kanye naming their baby North West is just like Brad Pitt naming his kid Arm.