One day Daily Mail has a article with title: "One in four cannot read."
The next day one another newspaper writes: "Nice to see a newspaper finally acknowledging their audience."
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"Doctor, please hurry. My son swallowed a razor-blade."
"Don't panic, I'm coming immediately. Have you done anything yet?"
"Yea, I shaved with the electric razor."
A: How do children in Baghdad do?
A: Bombastically.
Scientists invented a machine to catch thieves.
In 30 minutes in Canada the machine caught 10 thieves, in 15 minutes in the U.S the machine caught 5 thieves, in 3 minutes in Trinidad thieves stole the machine.
What do you call hemorrhoids on a fag?
Speed bumps.
The last person to enter parliament with honest intentions was Guy Fawkes on 5th November 1605.
Somebody stole my mood ring and I'm not quite sure how I feel about that..
Q: How do you drown a hipster?
A: In the mainstream.
Always be yourself, unless you can be Chuck Norris, then always be Chuck Norris.
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Man returning with his wife from guests.
Drunk man drives car better than his sober wife.
But there is only one problem, how to explain that to the policeman?