Q: What do you call a woman with no a**hole? A: Divorced.
Q: What do you call a fairy who doesn't take a bath? A: Stinkerbell!
Q: What does the baker have under his apron? A: Dough nuts.
"Knock Knock?" "Who's there?" "Europe." "Europe who?" "No you're a poo."
Two lawyers had been life long friends: they were partners and shared everything, including their hot-blooded secretary. One day the secretary announced she was pregnant. They told her not to worry and assured her that they would pay all medical costs and would act as co-fathers when the child was born and provide all expenses thereafter. The day of delivery arrived. Both the lawyers were at the hospital pacing the floor in the waiting room. Finally one of them said, “I can’t take this, I’m going down to sit in my car and wait there. Please come down and tell me as soon as the child is born!” The partner agreed to do that. About an hour later the partner approached the car with a very grave look on his face. “What happened?” asked the waiting car occupant. The other partner announced, “They were twins and mine died!”
What did the egg say to the boiling water? "How can you expect me to get hard so fast? I just got laid a minute ago."
Chuck Norris is the meaning of life. Too bad he's also the meaning of death.
Chuck Norris eats beef jerky and craps gunpowder. Then, he uses that gunpowder to make a bullet, which he uses to kill a cow and make more beef jerky. Some people refer to this as the "Circle of Life."
You are so selfish! You're going to have that body the rest of your life and I just want it for one night.
Pawn Stars: Man: "Can I have change for a dollar?" Rick: "Best I can do is 75 cents."