Q: What do you call a woman with no a**hole?
A: Divorced.
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Q: What do you call a frog who wants to be a cowboy?
A: Hoppalong Cassidy.
An elderly couple are in church.
The wife leans over and whispers to her husband, "I just let out a long, silent fart.
What should I do?"
The husband replies, "First off, replace the batteries in your hearing aid!"
I've recently got a stalker.
He's everywhere all the time.
And his thing is that he sends other people to profess his love for me.
So I can be walking down the street and all of a sudden a lady will appear screaming: "JESUS LOVES YOU."
An old man and woman hate each other, but remain married for years.
During their shouting fights, the old man constantly warns his wife, "If I die first, I will dig my way up and out of the grave to come back and haunt you for the rest of your life!"
One day, the man abruptly dies.
After the burial, the wife goes straight to the local bar and begins to party.
Her friends ask if she isn't worried about her husband digging himself out of the grave.
The wife smiles, "Let the old bugger dig. I had him buried upside down!"
Q: Whats the difference between Amy Winehouse and Captain Morgan?
A: Captain Morgan comes alive when you add coke!
10 Facts About You:
1. You're reading this now.
2. You're realizing that this is a stupid fact.
4. You didn't notice I skipped number 3.
5. You're checking now.
6. You're smiling.
7. You're still reading this even though it is stupid.
9. You didn't realize I skipped number 8.
10. You're checking again and smiling because you fell for it again.
11. You're enjoying this.
12. You didn't realize I said 10 facts not 12.
If kim kardashian was a donut wat kind would she be?
Chocolate filled.
Songs are not going to make us do anything we would not ordinarily do.
Because if that was the case, the song "Achy Breaky Heart" would have made me kill somebody about a year ago.
Programming is like sex.
One mistake and you have to support it for the rest of your life.
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