Joke #4947

Q: What do you call a woman with no a**hole? A: Divorced.

What do you find in a clean nose? Fingerprints!

"Hey what's up?" "Nothing much.. converting Oxygen into Carbon dioxide." "How the hell do you do that?!" "Breathing... Dude."

Parallel lines have so much in common. It's a shame they'll never meet.

A nun woke up one morning feeling great, she got out of bed and decided to go to the kitchen for some breakfast. On her way over there she runs into sister Jane and she says, "Hi sister Jane," by which sister Jane says, "I see you got off on the wrong side of the bed sister. She did not understand what sister Jane meant by that so she ignored it and went on. She was passing by the garden when she ran into sister Roberta and she says, "Good morning sister Roberta I am having a great day. Sister Roberta says, "I see you got off on the wrong side of the bed." The nun was wondering why everybody she met kept saying that when she felt great so she decides to go and see mother superior. She asks mother superior, "Everybody keeps telling me that I got off on the wrong side of the bed when I feel great and mother superior says,"That is because you have brother Johns shoes on."

A wife told his husband to whisper her dirty things, the man then replied, "The kitchen, the living room, the conservatory and the dining room."

I want me a big black girl...the type of woman that sits in the car and it looks like it's got tinted windows.

Don’t steal, don’t lie and don’t cheat. The government hates competition.

Chuck Norris lives in a Roundhouse... And his favorite drink is punch...

Growing up, Samuel L. Jackson didn't have a mother and a father. He had a mother and a motherf*cker.

Chuck Norris is the meaning of life. Too bad he's also the meaning of death.