Joke #42

A man was fishing in the jungle. After a while another angler came to join him. "Have you had any bites?" asked the second man. "Yes, lots," replied the first one, "but they were all mosquitoes."
Vote: has 47.86 % from 58 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: life

Similar jokes

See also best jokes rated by other visitors or new jokes.

Kid to a pregnant girl at bus stop: "What are you expecting?" The girl says, "A bus." The kid turns to his friend and says: "Wow! I am 100% sure this chick got screwed by a Transformer!"
Vote: has 79.52 % from 169 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: baby, car, life, sex
An aging man lived alone in Ireland. His only son was in Long Kesh Prison and he didn't know anyone who would spade up his potato garden. The old man wrote to his son about it and received this reply. "For Heavens SAKES, don't dig up that garden, that's where I buried the GUNS! At 4 A.M. the next morning a dozen British soldiers showed up and dug up the entire garden, but didn't find any guns. Confused the man wrote to his son telling him what happened and asking him what to do next. His son's reply was: "Just plant your potatoes."
Vote: has 78.77 % from 32 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: age, cop, food, life, prison
A manufacturing plant was in full swing one day. The company's massive machine was humming along, taking in the raw materials at one end and churning out the finished product at the other. All of a sudden, the machine stopped and ground to a halt. Workers climbed all over it like ants to get it started again. The plant's manager stormed out of his office to find out why his multi-million- dollar machine wasn't making him any money. He listened to his people saying they couldn't figure it out, and he told them to call a technician.  Soon a tech arrived, and the manager frantically explained to him that he needed his machine back as soon as possible. The technician listened patiently, took one look at the massive hulk of motionless metal, and immediately walked over to a small panel, opening a tiny door inside to see a screw. The technician took a screwdriver and turned the screw one-quarter turn to the right, and the machine suddenly came back to life as if nothing was wrong. The manager hurried over to thank the technician, shook his hand, and asked what he owed him for saving his company.  The technician answered, "$100,000.00". The manager looked at him and said, "You were here less than two minutes and just turned one screw. How can you charge so much? Give me an itemised bill."  The technician calmly wrote out on a piece of paper:  -Turning of one screw: $1.00.  -Knowing which screw to turn: $99,999.00.
Vote: has 72.95 % from 39 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: life, money, work
Q: What's in the wardrobe? A: Narnia business.
Vote: has 64.78 % from 14 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: business, life
All these Miley Cyrus jokes are whoreable.
Vote: has 67.64 % from 28 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: celebrity, life, music
Yes, money cannot buy happiness, but it is much more comfortable to cry in a new BMW than on a bike.
Vote: has 79.73 % from 72 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: life
One day a government worker was digging through his office drawers when suddenly he came upon a magic lamp. (Oh, c'mon, I'm sure there's one buried in your desk too.) Since he'd heard these jokes before, he knew that he had to rub the lamp and make the genie come out. So he rubbed the lamp and - oh, surprise out popped a genie. The genie asked, as genies will, "What is your first wish?" The government worker thought about it for a second, then replied, "I would like to be rich!" So the genie granted him his wish, and poof the man was surrounded by piles of money rivaling the heaps of even Martha Stewart and Bill Gates. Since the government worker knew the whole wish process, the genie didn't even have to ask for number two before he said, "My second wish is to be on an island with beautiful women surrounding me and obeying my every command!" And poof, he was there. Then the government worker or, as I like to call him, civil servant decided on his third wish, "I don't want to do any work ever again!" and poof ubiquitous ironic twist he was back in his office.
Vote: has 23.63 % from 27 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: genie, life, money, political, work
Rita is complaining to her friends about her husband's extreme dedication to his new job. You see, Rita's husband has been jobless for quite a while. She tells her friends, "I appreciate the fact that at last he's found a new job, but I don't like him taking his work home and finishing it in our bedroom." "Why, what's his new job?" "He's an embalmer."
Vote: has 74.84 % from 8 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: husband, life, work
A grandmother is watching her grandchild playing on the beach when a huge wave comes and takes him out to sea. She pleads, "Please God, save my only grandson. I beg of you, bring him back." And a big wave comes and washes the boy back onto the beach, good as new. She looks up to heaven and says: "He had a hat!"
Vote: has 77.50 % from 30 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: god, heaven, life
Paddy got a job as a road line-painter. He paints 5 miles on the first day, 2 miles on the second day and 1 on the third day. "You get worse and worse every day!" yelled his boss. "That is because the bucket gets further and further away every day." said Paddy.
Vote: has 68.45 % from 16 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: life