Joke #9071

Chuck Norris can one hit kill a creeper in Minecraft... With a stick.

Every 5 seconds, somewhere in the world, someone dies of Chuck Norris.

Leading hand sanitizers claim they can kill 99.9 percent of germs. Chuck Norris can kill 100 percent of whatever he wants.

Chuck Norris uses 8'x10' sheets of plywood as toilet paper.

Chuck Norris can strike the same lightning twice.

Chuck Norris is the reason why Einstein's theory of relativity is still a theory.

Chuck Norris once wrestled an Alligator. He walked away with a new set of luggage.

Chuck Norris has a Roundhouse Kick button on his Facebook page, and when he deletes a friend they actually die.

Someone once tried to tell Chuck Norris that roundhouse kicks aren't the best way to kick someone. This has been recorded by historians as the worst mistake anyone has ever made.

Chuck Norris walks into a bar, and as he enters, notices a horse and the end of the bar with a sign on it. Out of curiosity, he approaches the bartender and asks what the deal is with the horse at the end of the bar. The bartender tells him: "The sign says if you can make the horse laugh you'll win $50. Take note though that hundreds of people have tried and no-one has been able to do it." "Get out the money," says Chuck," I'll be right back." So he walks to the end of the bar, whispers something into the horse's ear, and within seconds the horse is laughing hysterically. "That's amazing," said the bartender. "Tell you what, if you can make him cry I'll double your winnings." "Get out the money," says Chuck," I'll be right back." So Chuck walked again over to the horse, came back to the bartender 2 minutes later, and the horse was balling and sobbing like a baby. "Well," replied Chuck Norris, "First I told him a had a bigger d*ck than he did. Then I showed him."

Chuck Norris is currently suing NBC, claiming Law and Order are trademarked names.