How the children from Chernobil count from one to hundred?
On the fingers!
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Little Johnny was in Maths class when his teacher asked him:
"Johnny, if your Mother had to repay a loan of $100,000, and you gave her $50,000, what would she need to repay the loan?"
Johnny replied, "To repay the loan? $50,000 more. To stay alive? CPR."
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How many babies does it take to paint a house?
Depends how hard you throw them.
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Two boiled eggs in a pan, one says "Hot in here in it", other says "You think it's hot in here, wait till you get outside they smash your head in."
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Why are rabbits like calculators?
They both multiply a lot.
A school in the United States is on fire.
One fireman is throwing the kids through the window, while the other one is standing on the ground and catching them.
After half of an hour the upper fireman asks:
Hey man, why aren't you catching black kids?
Oh damn, I thought these were the burnt ones.
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How does a cow do math?
With a cowculator.
A mathematician and his best friend, an engineer, attend a public lecture on geometry in thirteen-dimensional space.
"How did you like it?" the mathematician wants to know after the talk.
"My head's spinning," the engineer confesses.
"How can you develop any intuition for thirteen-dimensional space?"
"Well, it's not even difficult.
All I do is visualize the situation in n-dimensional space and then set n = 13."
What's red and dances all around?
A baby on a barbecue
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While examining the the body of Mr. Schwartz, a mortician notices that Schwartz has the largest penis he has ever seen.
"I'm sorry, Mr. Schwartz," says the mortician, "But I can't send you to be cremated with a tremendously huge penis like this. It has to be saved for posterity."
The mortician removes the penis, places it in a jar and puts the jar in his briefcase. When he gets home, he decides to show it to his wife. "I have something to show you that you won't believe," he says, removing the jar from his briefcase.
"Oh my God!" she screams, "Schwartz is dead!"
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