How the children from Chernobil count from one to hundred? On the fingers!
Little Johnny was in Maths class when his teacher asked him: "Johnny, if your Mother had to repay a loan of $100,000, and you gave her $50,000, what would she need to repay the loan?" Johnny replied, "To repay the loan? $50,000 more. To stay alive? CPR."
What is the difference between turkey and mother-in-law? There is no difference: both are the best when they are cold on the table.
"Did you hear about the undertaker who buried someone in the wrong place?" "He was sacked for making a grave mistake."
Q: Whats the difference between a box full of dead babies and a cadillac? A: I don't have a cadillac in my garage.
Did you hear about the male prostitute who got leprosy? He did okay until his business fell off.
What is the shortest mathematicians joke? Let epsilon be smaller than zero.
A biologist, a chemist and a statistician are out hunting. The biologist shoots at a deer and misses 5th to the left. The chemist takes a shot and misses 5th to the right. The statistician yells "We got 'em!"
"I'm going to ask for your daughter's hand in marriage. But it is just a formality." "Who told you that?" "Gynecologist."
Q: How do mathematicians induce good behavior in their children? A: "If I've told you n times, I've told you n+1 times..."