Q: What do you do when you see a black man with half a face? A: Stop laughing and reload.
Q: What was the last thing her husband said to her? A: I'll feed the dog, you feed the fish.
Don't break anybody's heart - they have only one. Break their bones - they have 206.
John and David were both patients in a Mental hospital. One day, John suddenly dived into the deep end of the swimming pool. David jumped in and saved him, and the medical director came to know of his heroic act. He immediately order David to be discharged from the mental hospital as he is OK. Doctor: "We have good news and bad news for you, David. The good news is that we are going to discharge you because you have regained your senses, since you are able to jump in and save another patient you are now a normal person. The bad news is that, the patient Mr. John, whom you have saved, hung himself in the toilet, and died." David: "Doctor, he didn’t hang himself. I hung him there to dry."
I bet Rosa Parks killed it in musical chairs.
A few days after her husband's death, a grieving widow accidentally receives an e-mail from a man waiting for his wife in Miami. The e-mail reads: Dearest Wife, Just got checked in. Everything prepared for your arrival tomorrow. P.S. Sure is hot down here.
How the children from Chernobil count from one to hundred? On the fingers!
Hey dad, how do you feel about abortion? "Ask your sister" "I don't have a..."
Patient: "Doctor, my son has swallowed a pen. What can I do?" Doctor: "Use a pencil till I come to see your son."
It is interesting how different nations have their dogs make different sounds. An American dog goes Woof, a Czech dog goes Haf, a Dutch dog goes Blaf and a Chinese dog goes Sizzle.
Girl: "Do you believe in puppy love?" Boy: "I tried it once, but their assholes are too small."