Joke #1567

Q: What do you do when you see a black man with half a face? A: Stop laughing and reload.

What's pink and spits? A baby in a frying pan.

Q: How long does it take for a workplace bully to come up with a patentable new invention? A: It depends: If the designer's desk drawer is locked, about 5 minutes, otherwise, under a minute.

Q: What was the last thing her husband said to her? A: I'll feed the dog, you feed the fish.

Q: Why are ghosts bad liars? A: Because you can see right through them!

What do you call of 6 year old with no friends? A Sandy Hook survivor.

Woman delivers baby. Doctor takes the baby, and throws it, smashing around the hospital room, drop-kicking it, etc. Mother starts freaking out, being held back by nurses, begging "WHY!?" Doctor holds baby upside down by the ankle and says "I'm just fucking with you, it was born dead".

What does a skeleton say when he wants to eat? Bone appetit!

Q: What is brown, small, and smells of caramel? A: A diabetic who's been struck by lightning.

What has more brains than a dead baby? The wall behind it.

A beautiful young girl is about to undergo a minor operation. She’s laid on a hospital trolley bed with nothing on, except a sheet over her. The nurse pushes the trolley down the corridor towards the operating theatre, where she leaves the girl on the trolley outside, while she goes in to check whether everything is ready. A young man wearing a white coat approaches, lifts the sheet up and starts examining her naked body. He puts the sheet back and then walks away and talks to another man in a white coat. The second man comes over, lifts the sheet and does the same examinations. When a third man does the same thing, but more closely, she grows impatient and says: “All these examinations are fine and appreciated, but when are you going to start the operation?” The man in the white coat shrugged his shoulders: “I have no idea. We’re just painting the corridor.”