Q: What do you do when you see a black man with half a face?
A: Stop laughing and reload.
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My wife and I have reached a decision that we do not want children.
If anybody does please just send me your contact details and we can drop them off tomorrow.
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Knock-knock
Who is there?
A shattered penis with many diseases.
What kind of illness?
Gall, Aids, Gonorrhea, Syphilis...
Enough, it is the best present for my mother in law.
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Joke has 63.58 % from 608 votes. More jokes about: black humor, health, knock-knock, mother in law, vulgar
While examining the the body of Mr. Schwartz, a mortician notices that Schwartz has the largest penis he has ever seen.
"I'm sorry, Mr. Schwartz," says the mortician, "But I can't send you to be cremated with a tremendously huge penis like this. It has to be saved for posterity."
The mortician removes the penis, places it in a jar and puts the jar in his briefcase. When he gets home, he decides to show it to his wife. "I have something to show you that you won't believe," he says, removing the jar from his briefcase.
"Oh my God!" she screams, "Schwartz is dead!"
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An old Arab lived close to New York City for more than 40 years.
He would have loved to plant potatoes in his garden, but he is alone, old and weak.
His son is in college in Paris, so the old man sends him an e-mail.
He explains the problem: "Beloved son, I am very sad, because I can't plant potatoes in my garden. I am sure, if only you were here, you would help and dig up the garden for me. I love you, Your Father."
The following day, the old man receives a response e-mail from his son: "Beloved Father, please don't touch the garden. It's there that I have hidden 'the THING'. I love you, too, Ahmed"
At 4pm the US Army, The Marines, the FBI, the CIA and the Rangers visit the house of the old man, take the whole garden apart, search every inch, but can't find anything. Disappointed they leave the house.
A day later, the old man receives another e-mail from his son. "Beloved Father, I hope the garden is dug up by now and you can plant your potatoes. That's all I could do for you from here. I love you, Ahmed."
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Q: What kind of file do you need to turn a 15mm hole into a 40mm hole?
A: A pedophile.
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The judge asks the murderer:
Why did you kill that old lady?
For money..
But you got only 20 cents
Yes, but killing five of them would already make a dollar.
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How do you stop a baby crawling round in circles ?
Nail its other hand to the floor.
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Hitler got a heart attack when he saw the gas bill.
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Why would the cannibal only eat babies?
He was on a diet!
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Q: What do you have when a lawyer is buried up to his neck in sand?
A: Not enough sand.
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