Joke #9381

"Did you hear about the undertaker who buried someone in the wrong place?" "He was sacked for making a grave mistake."

A priests asks the convicted murderer at the electric chair, "Do you have any last requests?" "Yes," replies the murderer. "Can you please hold my hand?"

Q: Did you hear the joke about an Earthquake and Japanese nuclear reactor? A: Not cool.

Hey dad, how do you feel about abortion? "Ask your sister" "I don't have a..."

How did they know that the driver had dandruff? They found his head and shoulders in the glove box.

What's pink and chunky? A baby with leprosy.

Bubba dies in a fire and his body is pretty badly burned. The morgue sends for his two best friends, Daryl and Gomer, to identify the body. Daryl arrives first, and when the mortician pulls back the sheet, Daryl says, "Yup, his face is burnt up pretty bad. You better roll him over." The mortician rolls him over, and Daryl says, "Nope, ain't Bubba." The mortician thinks this is strange. Then he brings Gomer in to identify the body. Gomer takes a look at the face and says, "Yup, he's pretty well burnt up. Roll him over." The mortician rolls him over and Gomer says, "No, it ain't Bubba." The mortician asks, "How can you tell?" Gomer said, "Well, Bubba had two a**holes." "What? He had two assholes?!" exclaims the mortician. "Yup, every time we went to town, folks would say, 'Here comes Bubba with them two assholes.'"

I saw a girl crying, so I asked her "Where are your parents?" and she started crying even more. Man, I love working at the orphanage.

What's red and crawls up your leg? A homesick miscarriage.

First cannibal: "I can't find anything to eat!" Second cannibal: "But the jungle's full of people."  First cannibal: "Yes, but they're all very unsavory."

What do you call 100 niggers on the bottom of the sea? A good start.