Joke #9381

"Did you hear about the undertaker who buried someone in the wrong place?" "He was sacked for making a grave mistake."

What's the last thing that went through Princess Diana's mind? The dashboard.

A funeral service is held for a woman who just passed away. As the pallbearers carry the casket out, they accidentally bump into a wall. They hear a faint moan. They open the casket and find that the woman is actually alive. She lives for 10 more years and then dies. They have another funeral for her. At the end of the service, the pallbearers carry out the casket. As they are walking, the husband cries out, "Watch out for the wall!"

Q: Why did the boy fall off the swing? A: He didn't have any arms.

A guy wasn’t feeling well and went to the doctor for a check up. He did the tests and waited. After a while, the doctor came in with the results. "Unfortunately, I have very bad news! You’re seriously ill! You have really not much time to live.." "Doctor..! How much time do I have..?" "Ten..." "Ten what? Months? Years? What?!" "Nine...Eight...Seven..."

A ship with 30 sailors and one woman strands on a desert island. After one month the woman says: "I can not proceed in this way." And she suicides herself. After another month, the sailors say: "We can not proceed in this way." And they bury the woman. The next month, the sailors say: "We can not proceed in this way." And they dig up the woman.

What's the difference between an apple and a black man? None! They both hang from trees.

Q: Why are jelly beans alot like the world? A: Because everyone hates the black ones.

What is the difference between turkey and mother-in-law? There is no difference: both are the best when they are cold on the table.

I bet my friend $5 that he would drown in the lake. A bittersweet victory.

The judge asks the murderer: Why did you kill that old lady? For money.. But you got only 20 cents Yes, but killing five of them would already make a dollar.