"Did you hear about the undertaker who buried someone in the wrong place?"
"He was sacked for making a grave mistake."
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Q: Why did the cannibal tax auditor get disciplined?
A: For buttering up her clients.
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Q: What's the difference between morbid and black humour?
A: Well, black humour is like 10 children in one rubbish bin, whereas morbid humour is like one child in 10 rubbish bins.
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Noticing a mistake in St. Peter's roster, God calls Satan; "It seems you accidentally received some of my professionals down there: a teacher, a doctor and a farmer."
"Yeah," Satan replies. "All the more for me!"
God replies, "You better send them up here immediately."
Satan says, "No way. I'm keeping them."
God says, "Send them up here, or I'll sue the horns right off you."
Satan laughs uproariously, "Yeah, right. And just where are YOU going to get a lawyer?"
Man receives telegram: Wife dead-should be buried or cremated?
Man: Don't take any chances. Burn the body and bury the ash.
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Peter called his doctor’s office for an appointment.
"I’m sorry," said the receptionist, “we can’t fit you in for at least two weeks."
"But I could be dead by then!"
"No problem. If your wife lets us know, we’ll cancel the appointment."
A man cheats on his girlfriend Lorraine with a woman named Clearly.
Lorraine dies suddenly.
At the funeral, the man stands up and sings, "I can see Clearly now, Lorraine is gone."
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What do spinach and anal sex have in common?
If you're forced to have it as a kid, you'll hate it as an adult.
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"Doctor, please, my son ate some cement. What can I do?"
"First of all, don't give him anything to drink."
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A businessman was flying on a plane surrounded by hundreds of kids.
A lady went and sat down next to him.
She asked, "Are these all your kids?"
The man replied, "No, I just work at a condom factory, these are all the complaints".
Q: Why did cow cross road?
A: To find to the udder side.
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