What's the rudest type of Elf?
The GofuckyoursElf.
Similar jokes
See also best jokes rated by other visitors or new jokes.
A husband, one bright sunny morning, turns to his lovely wife, “Wife, we’re going fishing this weekend, you, me and the dog.”
The wife grimaces, “But I don’t like fishing!”
“Look! We’re going fishing and that’s final.”
“Do I have to go fishing with you… I really don’t want to go!”
“Right I’ll give you three choices… 1 You come fishing with me and the dog… 2 You give me a BLOW JOB…. 3 or you take it up the ass!”
The wife grimaces again, “But I don’t want to do any of those things!”
“Wife I’ve given you three options.. You’ll HAVE to do one of them! I’m going to the garage to sort out my fishing tackle, when I come back I expect you to have made up your mind!”
The wife sits and thinks about it.
Twenty minutes later her husband comes back, “Well! What have you decided? FISHING with me and the dog, BLOW JOB, or ass?”
The wife complains some more and finally makes up her mind, “O.K. I’ll give you a blow job!”
“Great!” He says and drops his pants.
The wife is on her knees doing the business.
Suddenly she stops, looks up at her Husband, “Oh! It tastes absolutely disgusting… It tastes all shitty!”
“Yes!” says her husband “The dog didn’t want to go fishing either.”
Q: Do you know what happends with a nigger if he sticks up 12 varningssigns in his ass?
A: He becomes a toblerone!
Vote:
What did the hurricane say to the palm tree?
Better hold onto your nuts because this is no ordinary blowjob.
Reporter: "Excuse me, may I interview you?"
Man: "Yes!"
Reporter: "Name?"
Man: "Abdul Al-Rhazim."
Reporter: "Sex?"
Man: "Three to five times a week."
Reporter: "No no! I mean male or female?"
Man: "Yes, male, female... sometimes camel."
Reporter: "Holy cow!"
Man: "Yes, cow, sheep... animals in general."
Reporter: "But isn't that hostile?"
Man: "Yes, horse style, dog style, any style."
Reporter: "Oh dear!"
Man: "No, no deer. Deer run too fast. Hard to catch."
Me: Can I call an officer a pussy?
Cop: No.
Me: Can I call a pussy 'officer?'
Cop: I guess you could...
Me: Goodnight, officer
A guy is walking along the shoreline at the beach wearing just a pair of cutoff jeans.
Sure enough, he kicks up a bottle, pulls the cork, and out comes the Genie to give him one wish.
He pulls out a map of the Middle East, and asks the Genie if he can bring Peace to this part of the World.
The Genie pales, and says, "Master, these people have been at war since time began. It is their nature, woven into the very fabric of their lives. What you ask is totally impossible. It is probably the only wish I cannot grant you. Ask for anything else and I will make it happen."
"Okay", the guy says. "Tomorrow morning have my wife awaken me, with the best blowjob I've ever had, on her own, without my begging and pleading - just because she likes it, because she wants to, and because it turns her on."
The Genie shakes his head and says, "Let me see that map again!
Based on statistics, the most used s*xual position among married couples is doggy style...
The husband sits and begs, while the wife rolls over and plays dead.
Are your legs made of Nutella?
Because I'd love to spread them!
Q: What are three words you dead the most while making love?
A: "Honey, I'm home."
Three policemen are sitting in a car.
Bored, as cards and domino make them sick already.
On thinks of an idea:
Guys, lets play golf.
All we need is a stick, ball and a hole.
I can arrange a stick, – one says.
I will get a ball, - adds another.
Guys, I’m not playing this dirty game, - says the third one.