What's the rudest type of Elf?
The GofuckyoursElf.
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Q: How can you tell if your girlfriend really likes you?
A: If you stick your hand in her pants and it feels like you're feeding a horse.
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The main rule to obey, if you are in jail: never take a bow for a fallen soap from the wash basin. Try and you'll cry.
Q: What do gay guys have in common with bungee jumpers?
A: If the rubber breaks, they're in deep shit!
Q: Why was the dirty old man fired from the poultry shop?
A: He couldn't keep his hands off the breasts and thighs.
Why did the semen cross the road?
Because I wore the wrong sock today.
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A woman asks an agriculturalist: "Please, tell me what shall I do? I have a garden but nothing grows there, like flowers or vegetables."
The agriculturalist says: "You know, it is to dung the garden with a good fertilizer."
The woman says: "And wouldn´t it be better to plant the vegetables directly into the ass?"
A bus full of nuns crashes and unforunatly they all die at the gates of heaven they meet St Peter.
He asks the first nun: "Have you ever had any contact with a penis?"
The nun replies: "I poked one once."
St Peter says: "Wash your finger in this holy water and enter heaven."
He asks the next nun the same question, she replies "I findled with one once."
"Wash your hand in this holy water and enter heaven."
Then St Peter hears a commotion among the other nuns and one nun pushes to the front.
"Whats wrong?" he asks.
The nun replies "If im going to have to gargle that holy water, I want to do it before Sister Anne washes her ass in it."
A man is lying on the beach, sun bathing, wearing nothing but a cap over his dick.
An ugly woman is passing and remarks "If you were a gentleman, you would lift your hat for a lady ..."
He replies "If you were any sort of lady, the hat would lift itself!"
Q: What did the blonde's mother say when she asked if she could lick the bowl?
A: "Just flush it like everybody else does."
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Q: What did dick say to rubber?
A: "Cover me I'm going in."
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