When you insult Chuck Norris, the next thing you are going to see is a bunch of halos.
The only apocolypse that can happen is if bogyman insults Chuck Norris. The whole universe goes to hell.
Chuck Norris shaves with a hunting knife. "Shaving" consists of cutting a new mouth-hole every morning. That's how tough his beard is.
Q: How was break dancing invented? A: Little black kids stealing hub caps off of moving cars.
Chuck Norris looked Medusa straight in the eyes, and laughed.
Yo mamma is so fat when she tried to go to McDonald's she tripped over Wendy's and landed on Burger King.
In an attempt to end WWII, President Harry Truman had Chuck Norris parachuted into Hiroshima and Nagasaki. Sept. 2, 1945, the Japanese surrendered.
Chuck Norris can milk birds.
Yo mamma so fat I took a picture of her last Christmas and its still printing.
A parrot was in a pet shop with a string attached to each leg when a man walked in looking to buy a pet. A shopkeeper came over and started to try and sell him a dog when the man noticed the parrot. He asked what the strings were for and the shopkeeper replied, "Well, if you pull the right string the parrot says, 'Polly wanna cracker'. If you pull the left string it says, 'my name's Sam'". The man being of the inquisitive nature tried both and thought it was really neat, but was still curious. So he asked what would happen if he pulled both strings, the parrot piped up, "I'd fall off the perch you idiot!"
Yo mamma so hairy she has afros on her nipples.