What's pink and spits?
A baby in a frying pan.
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I saw a man with one arm shopping in a second hand store.
I thought "You are never going to find here what you are looking for"...
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When Chuck Norris makes a burrito, its main ingredient is real toes.
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Smith was hit by a car, died, and went to heaven.
And everyone who goes to heaven has to work.
God went up to Smith, and said: Smith, you are going to make babies.
Here is this wheel, and every time you turn it, a baby will come out.
For hours, Smith spun the wheel at full speed, then he started to get tired.
As he was slowing down, a black baby came out...and Smith said: **** I better hurry because they are burning."
What do you call a virgin on a waterbed?
A cherry float.
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Dad always thought laughter was the best medicine.
I guess that was why several of us died of tuberculosis.
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What do sick cannibals have for breakfast?
Vitamin bills!
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How did the cannibal turn over a new leaf?
He became a vegetarian.
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Late in the night he regained consciousness.
He found himself in agonizing pain in the hospital's ICU, with tubes up his nose, wires monitoring every function and a gorgeous nurse hovering over him.
He realized he'd obviously been in a serious accident.
She gave him a deep look straight into the eyes, and he heard her slowly say, "You may not feel anything from the waist down."
Somehow he managed to mumble in reply, "Can I feel your tits, then?"
That, my friends, is a positive attitude!
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Lifting weights have really helped me with the ladies - the last five I raped didn't stand a chance.
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A lawyer and an engineer were fishing in the Caribbean.
The lawyer said "I'm here because my house burned down and everything I owned was destroyed by the fire. The insurance company paid for everything."
"That's quite a coincidence", said the engineer, "I'm here because my house and all my belongings were destroyed by a flood, and my insurance company also paid for everything."
The lawyer looked somewhat confused. "How do you start a flood?", he asked.