What's pink and spits? A baby in a frying pan.
What's blue and flies around the room at high speeds? A baby with a punctured lung.
"Excuse me, how do I get to the hospital quickly?" "Just stand in the middle of the road for a while."
how do you keep a black person out of your backyard? Hang one in the front.
I got in trouble during high school for masturbating in the showers. Apparently it completely ruined the trip to Auschwitz.
A ship with 30 sailors and one woman strands on a desert island. After one month the woman says: "I can not proceed in this way." And she suicides herself. After another month, the sailors say: "We can not proceed in this way." And they bury the woman. The next month, the sailors say: "We can not proceed in this way." And they dig up the woman.
What's worse than finding a dead baby on your pillow in the morning? Realizing you were drunk and made love to it the night before.
How do you stop an Iraqi tank? "Just shoot the guy that's pushing it!"
First Cannibal: "Who was that girl I saw you with last night?" Second Cannibal: "That was no girl, that was my supper."
How do you fit 500 babies into a phone booth? With a blender. How do you get them out? Nachos - make a dipping and snacking motion.
What happens if you upset a cannibal? You get into hot water.