What do you call an intelligent, good looking, sensitive man?
A rumor.
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What is a man's idea of helping with housework?
Lifting his leg so you can vacuum.
John: I didn't sleep with my wife before we were married. Did you?
Bob: I'm not sure. What was your wife's maiden name?
Men call us birds, is that because of all the worms we pick up?
Behind every successful man is a surprised woman.
Q: What happens to the man who lost his whole left side of his body?
A: He is all right now.
This could be considered the ideal world for many men:
His son on the cover of a box of Wheaties.
His mistress in the centerfold of Playboy.
A picture of his wife on the milk carton.
A gentleman was having some physical problems and his doctor told him that he had to drink warm water with Epsom salts one hour before breakfast.
At the end of a week he returned and the doctor asked if he was feeling better.
The man said that he actually felt worse.
“Did you drink warm salt water an hour before breakfast each day?” the Doc asked.
“No,” replied the man somberly, letting out a sigh. “I could only do about 15 minutes!”
There were three guys in a bar.
Two are talking about the amount of control they have over their wives.
The third remains silent.
After a while, one of the first two turned to the third and says, "Well... what about you, what sort of control do you have over your wife?"
"Well, on our honeymoon, I made damn sure my wife came to me on her hands and knees," he bragged and took another sip of beer.
His friends were amazed!
"What happened then?" they asked, almost in unison."
"Well, then she said, "Get the hell out from under that bed and fight like a man!" he admitted.
Man: "How do you like your eggs in the morning?"
Woman: "Unfertilized."