What do you call an intelligent, good looking, sensitive man? A rumor.
A man goes to the vet about his dog's fleas. The vet says: "I'm sorry, I'll have to put this dog down." The man is incredulous and asks why. The vet says: "Because he's far too heavy."
Q: How many men does it take to screw in a light bulb? A: One. Men will screw anything.
What did God say after she made Eve? "Practice makes perfect."
What does a man consider a seven course meal? A hot dog and a six pack.
What does a man make best for dinner? Reservations.
How are men like diplomas? You spend lots of time getting one, but once you have it, you don't know what to do with it.
A woman walks into a pet store wanting to buy a pet for her husband, but she finds all the pets are so so expensive. The woman says to the clerk at the counter, "I'm looking to buy a pet for my husband but I'm on a very short budget!." "No worries," replies the clerk. "We've just ordered in a very large bullfrog that can give bl*wjobs." "Bl*wjobs," says the woman, buying the frog, thinking it would be a great gag gift, so she goes home and gives the frog to her husband explaining the frogs talent. With a laugh the husband walks off leaving the frog in the kitchen. In the middle of the night the woman wakes up to the sound of pots and pans flying around in the kitchen. She goes down to find her husband and the frog reading cookbooks. "What are you two doing?" she asks. "Well," says the husband. "If I can teach this frog to cook you are outta here."
Q: What is height of Stupidity? A: A man looking through a keyhole of a glass door.
Men want the same thing from their underwear that they want from women: a little bit of support, and a little bit of freedom.
Men are like.....Coffee The best ones are rich, warm, and can keep you up all night long.