What do you call an intelligent, good looking, sensitive man?
A rumor.
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Q: Why all men say "Ladies first"?
A: They want to watch their asses.
One man (lets call him Johnny) came to gun shop.
J(ohnny):I want a pistol
S(alesman):Choose from this wall (points at wall full of pistols)
J: (points at biggest pistol) I want this,
S: An .44 Magnum? And for what purpose?
J: For shooting cans.
S: (points on smaller handgun) For shooting cans is the best this one.
J: (points again on .44) No, I want this one.
S: And what cans will you shoot at?
J: Um...Mexi-cans, Portori-cans, Afri-cans...
A man, a woman, and a great survivor are trapped on an island.
The survivor finds a bunch of coconuts.
The man thinks to himself, "What if there are other people on the island? Then we won't be stranded!"
He throws coconuts at nearby ships, and the island was populated.
Everybody looks at him cross.
Then they kick him off the island.
What is a man's idea of helping with housework?
Lifting his leg so you can vacuum.
Why is it good that there are female astronauts?
When the crew gets lost in space, the woman will ask for directions.
What's the difference between a man and a messy room?
You can straighten up a messy room.
A man has came over to his wife in a request.
She tells him to tie her to a bed and do whatever he wants.
3 hours later he is fucking hookers and watching football and porn with friend.
What should you give a man who has everything?
A. A woman to show him how to work it.
B. Penicillin.
I hear Taylor Swift's ex boyfriends are collabing on a new single called "Maybe You're The Problem".
Vote:
My wife was dying.
I was by her bedside.
She said in a tired voice, "Theres something I must confess."
"Shhh" I said, "theres nothing to confess. Everythings alright."
"No I must die in peace. I had s*x with your brother, your best friend, his best friend and your father!"
"I know," I whispered "Thats why i posion you, now close your eyes!"