What do you get when you cross an Owl and a Rooster?
A cock that stays up all night.
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Why did President Clinton name his dog Buddy instead of Spot?
Because he didn't want people running around the White House saying, "come Spot, come Spot!"
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Do you know the difference between a postal box and a monkey's arse?
Well if you don't know I will never ask you to post a letter for me.
Me: Hey look its Nemo!
Worker: Sir, that's a clown fish.
Me: Bitch, that's a Nemo!
Why did the gray whale go on a diet?
Because he wasn't a Fin whale.
Teacher: Billy, how do you spell "Crocodile"?
Billy: ‘K-R-O-K-O-D-I-A-L'
Teacher: No, that's wrong
Billy: Maybe it's wrong, but you ask me how I spell it!
What famous painting do cows love to look at?
The Moona Lisa.
What do cows get when they are sick?
Hay Fever.
What do you call an ugly rabbit that sits on someone's forehead?
Unsightly facial hare.
Q: What did the boy octopus say to the girl octopus?
A: I want to hold your hand hand hand hand hand hand hand hand.