What do you get when you cross an Owl and a Rooster? A cock that stays up all night.
Yo mama so stupid that she mourned wen we slaughtered a goat for Cristmas.
Q: What's the difference between a dead skunk lying in the road and a dead lawyer lying in the road? A: There are skid marks in front of the skunk.
There are bats hanging of a branch upside down, all except one. Two bats comment: "What's happened to this one? I don't know, two minutes ago he seemed normal and then he fainted.
"I can't decide whether to buy a bicycle or a cow for my farm." "Well, wouldn't you look silly riding a cow?" "I d look a darn sight sillier trying to milk a bicycle!"
Q: Why did the fat turkey cross the road? A: To get hit by my car.
Psychiatrist: "What’s your problem?" Patient: "I think I’m a chicken." Psychiatrist: "How long has this been going on?" Patient: "Ever since I was an egg!"
A fish walks into a bar, the bartender asks, "What would you like?" the fish says holding his neck, "Water".
One goldfish to his tankmate: "If there's no God, who changes the water?"
How did cows feel when the branding iron was invented? They were very impressed.
A guy walked into a bar with a pet alligator by his side. He put the alligator up on the bar. He turned to the astonished patrons and said, "I'll make you a deal. I'll open this alligator's mouth and place my genitals inside. Then the gator will close his mouth for one minute." He'll then open his mouth and I'll remove my unit unscathed. In return for witnessing this spectacle, each of you will buy me a drink. The crowd murmured their approval. The man stood up on the bar, dropped his trousers, and placed his privates in the alligator's open mouth. The gator closed his mouth as the crowd gasped. After a minute, the man grabbed a beer bottle and rapped the alligator hard on the top of its head. The gator opened his mouth and the man removed his genitals unscathed as promised. The crowd cheered and the first of his free drinks were delivered. The man stood up again and made another offer. "I'll pay anyone $100 who's willing to give it a try." A hush fell over the crowd. After a while, a hand went up at the end of the bar and a woman timidly spoke up. "I'll try, but you have to promise not to hit me on the head with a beer bottle."