Q. Why are fish so smart? Q. Why are fish so smart A. Because they swim in schools!
Q: What do squirrels give for Valentine's Day? A: Forget-me-nuts.
What dog can jump higher than a building? Anydog, buildings can't jump!
Why did the frog read Sherlock Holmes? He liked a good croak and dagger.
When Chuck Norris was a baby he didnt have teddy bears. He had real bears.
Your house is so dirty I saw rats on dirt bikes.
What lives in the ocean, is grouchy and hates neighbours? A hermit crab.
How did the blonde try to kill the bird?? She threw it off a cliff.
Why do you never see zebras or antelopes at Victoria Station? Because it's a mane-lion station.
What's wet and wiggly and says how do you do sixteen times? Two octopuses shaking hands.
A guy walked into a bar with a pet alligator by his side. He put the alligator up on the bar. He turned to the astonished patrons and said, "I'll make you a deal. I'll open this alligator's mouth and place my genitals inside. Then the gator will close his mouth for one minute." He'll then open his mouth and I'll remove my unit unscathed. In return for witnessing this spectacle, each of you will buy me a drink. The crowd murmured their approval. The man stood up on the bar, dropped his trousers, and placed his privates in the alligator's open mouth. The gator closed his mouth as the crowd gasped. After a minute, the man grabbed a beer bottle and rapped the alligator hard on the top of its head. The gator opened his mouth and the man removed his genitals unscathed as promised. The crowd cheered and the first of his free drinks were delivered. The man stood up again and made another offer. "I'll pay anyone $100 who's willing to give it a try." A hush fell over the crowd. After a while, a hand went up at the end of the bar and a woman timidly spoke up. "I'll try, but you have to promise not to hit me on the head with a beer bottle."