I heard my tire thumping, I thought it was flat.
When I looked at my tire I discovered your cat.
Sorry...
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How do you shoot a great white shark?
Hold his nose until he turns blue and then you shoot him with a blue shark spear gun.
Your mom's so dumb, she threw the dog and told the stick to fetch!
Did you hear about the overweight man who took up horse riding as exercise?
The horse lost 15 pounds in a week!
Why was the horseman fired from his job of saddle testing?
He was always standing up on the job!
The man comes home drunken but he goes to the piggery instead of the house.
He lies down, he takes a look at the pig, caresses it and says: "Oh, it's you, darling, naked again?"
Who would win in a fight between a bear and a lion?
Answer - neither, Chuck Norris would beat them both with a single round-house-kick.
Vote:
Three retirees, each with a hearing loss, were having a conversation one fine Sunday evening.
One remarked to the other, ‘I got a new hearing device and it works fine?'
The second said, ‘oh yes, my grandchildren just love the gifts of my choice.'
The third one who noticed the hearing device in the ear of the first one asked, what kind is it?'
The one with the brand new hearing device answered ‘about 6 O'clock'.
All three of them looked up in the birds in the sky and said, "Birds of the same feather ‘flock' together."
A black guy walks into a bar with a beautiful parrot on his shoulder.
"Wow," says the bartender.
"That is really something. Where'd you get it?"
"Africa," says the parrot.
What's black and white and rolls down the Boardwalk?
A nigger and a seagull fighting over a French Fry.
Vote:
How to catch a polar bear:
Go up north and find a frozen lake or pond.
Cut a large hole in the ice.
Open a can of green peas, and place the peas around the edge of the hole single file.
Hide behind a nearby rock.
When the bear comes up to take a pea, kick him in the ice-hole!